Well, that didn’t take long! In the time since my last post, I sat through another hour at work, sat in traffic for a half hour and devoured a mitt full of Quaker Chewy Dips Granola Bars (damn those chocolate covered bits of heaven, damn them all to hell!).

SO, here we are on Day 1 of my 30 Day Writing Challenge, and I’m feeling energized and ready to go already!

Today’s prompt is pretty simple: List 10 things that make you really happy.

That should be pretty easy to accomplish on a Friday afternoon with a belly full of chocolate covered granola bars, right?!

So here goes nothing….

10 Things That Make Me Really Happy:

• Les Mills Group Fitness Classes
  • Surprised? Of course not! Les Mills takes top spot immediately and without hesitation. Whether it’s one of my own classes, or I’m participating in someone else’s class, I don’t think that I’ve ever walked out of a Les Mills class not glowing from the inside out. More than “making me happy”, Les Mills taught me what real and true happiness and passion feels like. For more on  my epic love story with Les Mills, check out here, here, here or here!

• Matt
  • Because, well, look at him! What a cutie!

 

•  My kitty cat Blake
  • Few things make my heart swoon like the sight of my little furball trotting to meet me. Especially while wearing a tuxedo collar.

• Spending time with my family
  • We’ve always been a close knit family, and I feel like in recent years we’ve only gotten closer since the whole cancer debaucle. Spending time together continues to be a huge source of joy.

• Finding the perfect pair of shoes for my size 10 wide feet
  • It’s been a struggle since my canoe feet stopped growing when I was 10 years old, and still to this day my heart sings when I find a pair of comfortable shoes that look half decent. Normally I buy at least two pairs in multiple colours, or sometimes the same….’cause ya know….

• Going to bed and not setting an alarm for the morning
  • Call me a teenager, but I love to sleep, and don’t get enough of it on a regular basis. Few things in this world give me a more joy than going to bed when I don’t have to set an alarm in the morning.

• Finding (and purchasing) a beautiful new notebook and writing in it
  • Ah beautiful notebooks. How I love thee. I love the efficiency of writing online, but it’s just not the same level of satisfaction as writing neatly in a crisp, beautifully covered notebook. Just thinking about it makes me want to take a jaunt over to Chapters and buy one. Totally guilty of buying new notebooks all the time and not filling them with anything.

• The perfect cheeseburger
  • This one had to make the list because, well, cheeseburgers would be my last meal request if I was going to kick the can. The perfect cheeseburger is: big (I mean BIG, preferably two patties), well done but juicy, covered in gooey, melty cheese, simply topped with mayonnaise (yes, mayonnaise) and lettuce, served on a plain bun served with crispy fries. Ahh heaven. Except for the guilt. Damn the guilt.

• When things go according to plan
  • This doesn’t seem to happen all that often, which is totally maddening for someone like me, who loves to plan and organize, so when things do according to best laid plans, man does it ever feel good!

• Doing work that I feel makes a difference in the world
  • I’ve felt since I started working like a huge gap in my career is that I know from so many different personality tests that doing work that I see as “important” or “meaningful” to the world is a huge part of career satisfaction for me. Unfortunately, in the career that I’m in, I often feel like the only real purpose that I’m serving is to make old white guys more rich and more powerful. It’s a sweet, sweet feeling when I do get involved in projects that I feel great about. I hope that one day I can find the courage to pursue something like that full time.

Unfortunately, it often seems that we as humans are programmed to only really “get the message” when it smacks us right in the face. Do you find that to be true?

I lived the most self-absorbed,  ignorant life until my brother was diagnosed with cancer. It took that reality check to open my eyes and realize that there are more important things in this world than what shoes you’re wearing or how thin you are. Since that whole experience back in 2013, I’ve changed a lot, mostly for the better (in my humble opinion!). Unfortunately, it took the most horrific experience of our lives to incite that change.

The past couple of weeks have been tough, and now that they’re over, I guess I’m finding myself deep in thought again. How did I get to this point? What’s really important? How can I make sure that I never get to this point again?

It all started with (what I think was) a rough case of food poisoning.

Sweet land of the living, is there anything worse than food poisoning? It’s kind of funny when you really think about what’s going on (your body just EXPELLING everything it’s got in an effort to get whatever bug out), but NOT funny at all while it’s going on.

The week in general had been a really rough one. I had been exhausted (partially from the time change, partially just from having way too much on the go all at once), and it was starting to show. I was irritable, snapping at people for no reason, complaining, picking fights where they don’t need to be had.

Yea, I’m a peach.

It turns out that everyone has their breaking point, and I reached mine that week. I woke up on the Friday morning feeling just awful. Dizzy, nauseous, pain in my stomach. I went to work with the intention of sticking it out as long as I could and then bringing my laptop home when I couldn’t take it anymore. That didn’t last long.

I ended up back at home by 1pm where thank goodness Matt was still around the house before leaving for the rest of the weekend to go up to his family maple syrup bush. Long story short, I ended up puking so violently and so much that I passed out cold and banged my head good in the bathroom, came to, and then passed out a SECOND time in the bathroom.

I then got to take my first ever ambulance ride to the hospital, where they basically told me that I was struggling with extreme dehydration, hooked me up to a bunch of fluids and sent me on my way after a couple of hours.

I woke up feeling better, not 100%, but much better than I was the day before. It took another 4 days, another doctor’s visit and an ultrasound appointment before I finally started to feel like myself again. The entire time, I was so frustrated that I couldn’t be up and about getting things done. The ironic part of course is that I think that’s the lesson that this whole episode was trying to smack me in the face with.

I love living my life at 300 miles an hour; it’s the only way that I’ve ever known how to live. I love feeling productive and like I get a lot done in a day, but lately it’s all been feeling a little bit overwhelming. I’m short-tempered. I complain a lot. Little things that shouldn’t get to me are irritating and pushing my buttons big time. And it’s not fair to those around me.

Perhaps the thing that’s made me the most sad about the pace of things lately is that I’m finding that I don’t set and achieve goals anymore. For years on this blog I preached about goal setting, weekly, monthly, daily, BHAGs…I can honestly say to you that as of right now, I can’t even remember the last goal that I set and worked towards achieving. I think that this piece of my life that’s been missing has been a big part of the reason that I’m feeling a bit stalled, a bit demotivated and overall, a bit frustrated.

So all of that is going to change. Starting right…..

My dream since I was able to hold a pencil was to publish a novel. Have I ever shared that with you guys before? I’ve written stories, novels, journals, articles, you name it, since the time I was 3 years old. The only problem was that I was petrified to let anyone read my writing. It’s for that reason that I still have only shared this blog link with 6 (yes, the number that comes after 5) people that I know.

While I would love to set the goal to start working on a novel right now, I can honestly say that I don’t have the inspiration for a compelling story……yet. I find writing for the sake of writing (when it comes to fiction) is tough, and I haven’t had much success when trying to force a story to come to life. Some of the best work that I’ve done has been when I was deeply passionate about the story, the characters and when I had the inspiration to keep going.

SO, in the spirit of hopefully sparking some inspiration, getting me writing consistently and reviving my blog, today (Friday April 8th), I officially kick-off….

The 30 Day Writing Challenge 

Sara, what’s this? You ask? Simple! I will be completing each of the writing exercises listed below for the next 30 days: 

Cool, hey? Any fellow bloggers, story-tellers, BHAGers or disillusioned goal setters…if you’re looking for some inspiration, then feel free to join in! I’ll kick-off the challenge tonight with the first day’s topic: list 10 things that make you really happy.

So let’s write! We’ve got 30 days!

Have a wonderful weekend, see you tonight!

-Sara

Although I had struggled quite a bit getting to sleep, once I did finally fall asleep, I was out like a light until my alarm went off at 6:30am. I get up at 6:30am every day and find it so agonizing, hitting snooze at least 6 times before finally dragging myself out of bed. Of course, on wedding day, I woke up feeling rested, energetic and excited for the day!

I laid in bed for a few minutes, the house was quiet so I knew that I was the first one up. I finally rolled out of bed, got dressed, brushed out my hair (I had been warned upon penalty of death not to touch it with a flat iron that morning), and went downstairs, where I found my Grandma and my Aunt having coffee at our island. My mom was nowhere to be found, which I found odd because she was the one supposed to be coming with me to the hair salon for 7:30am. I was remarkably calm, I remember feeling so at ease and peaceful. I made myself my Arbonne shake, which I’ve had every morning for breakfast for about 3 years or more, made sure that everyone at the house had paper copies of the itinerary for the day, and finally my mom came down the stairs just in the nick of time, and we were out the door and on our way to the hair salon. I was so excited to get there and to see everyone!

The hair salon is just around the corner from my parents’ house, and we were there about 7:40am. When we got there, the place was already bustling, my best friend and Maid of Honour Lindsay was in the chair getting her makeup done, my other best friend and other Maid of Honour Bailey was in another chair starting on hair, and one of my bridesmaids Mariane was there as well! The stylists at the hair salon were true angels, especially the esthetician Emily who really went above and beyond to make sure that everything went picture perfect at the salon. She had brought in a big tray of Tim Hortons bagels and muffins and pastries, coffee, tea and water for us, and my mom had also brought in a big tray of applesauce bread and a fruit tray, so there was lots of food! I was so calm and peaceful and really just enjoying the time with my girls.

The makeup artist was named Christine and she was truly phenomenal. Girl after girl was getting their makeup done and every single one of them looked absolutely stunning. I think I’ve only maybe once or twice had my makeup professionally done in my life and actually liked it, but I can honestly say that I loved my makeup on my wedding day, especially my eye makeup! She made me look like a snow queen or something with the most soft, glittery white eye shadows, it was so beautiful! We were worried initially about the timing to get so many people’s makeup done by only one person, but things were just rolling along, and everyone got done in lots of time!

The only bit of minor panic at the hair salon was with my poor mother-in-law to be Dianne who had accidentally over-slept when the alarm didn’t go off, and was a bit late getting to the hair salon for her 7:45am appointment! It all worked out completely fine, she arrived around 8:30am in lots of time, and all was well.

It was finally my turn to get my hair done, and I was a bit apprehensive at first about how it was all going to turn out. I had done a trial, and was a bit on the fence about how I had liked it. It was also hard to tell because I took the trial out right away after getting it done because I was going out with some friends and didn’t want anyone else to see my wedding hair! Things just seemed to come together on wedding day though, and I loved what my hair stylist Alicia was able to do with my hair. It ended up being a nice soft up-do, with hair visible on the side and really nice volume on top, and the most beautiful hair piece that I’ve ever seen on the side of my head. I loved it and was really happy with it (again, can count on one hand the number of times that I’ve been happy with my hair when it’s been styled professionally, but things just seemed to be going well on wedding day!).

By the time we finished up hair and makeup at the salon, we were about 20 minutes ahead of schedule (it was about 11:40am now, and I had wanted to be home getting dressed by 12pm at the latest to give us an hour before the limo arrived at 1pm). We took a picture with the girls at the hair salon including all of the hair stylists and makeup artist (still need to get a copy of this picture from my hair dresser actually!) and were on our way. It was around this time that I realized that the weather just wasn’t cooperating with us and it was pouring rain outside. We all dodged and dived into cars trying to save our hair and makeup, but I was starting to get a bit sad that we weren’t going to be able to do pictures outside like I had wanted to.

We got home and inside the house without getting too wet, and I must admit that my stress levels went from about a 1 on a scale of 1 – 10 to a 9.8 pretty darn quick once I set foot inside the house. It was a bit like a scene in a movie, women running all over the place with curlers in their hair, shrieking about this that the other thing, men walking around half dressed calling for help with their ties, their suits, whatever else, people on FaceTime with relatives far away sticking iPhones in my face to say hello….it was a bit of a zoo.

We grabbed a little bit of food, there were tons of sandwiches and things set up on the kitchen table for us thanks to my mom, and I gave the girls their bridesmaid presents from me. I had been through the ringer trying to find the perfect necklaces for the girls to wear on wedding day, and had ended up tearing someone’s head off at the mall over some miscommunication to do with the ones that I did choose (long story, I’m not proud of it :P). In any case, I was happy with the necklaces that I did get in the end, and it was fun to see the girls open them up. I had also gotten each of them a really pretty pearl picture frame as well, with the idea that they could put a picture from the wedding in it. We had a bit of a funny moment when Shivonne opened up her “picture frame” and we discovered that hers actually was a wedding GUEST BOOK, and not a picture frame, that had come in the identical box as the picture frame, so I hadn’t known that it was something else!! Guess that was a bit of a hint for Shivs that she’s next?! 😉

After we exchanged gifts, things got a bit crazy (er). Somehow we had taken too long with the food and the gifts and made ourselves late. We only had about 20 minutes to get everyone dressed (including me) and take some pictures at the house before the limo was supposed to be there.

I went upstairs where my wonderful photographer Stacey was hiding out taking the most beautiful detail shots of my dress and flowers and jewelry

My room was a wonderful sanctuary from the craziness of downstairs. It was cool, calm, quiet and just the thing that I needed. I got into my dress with a little help from my mom and two maids of honour Bailey and Lindsay (a note that I forgot to use the washroom one last time before I put on my dress, that will come in more interesting later in the day!) and was really pleased with how my dress fit. Like I mentioned in the first part of this post, I hadn’t been happy with the way the dress fit just a week earlier, and so I was relieved that when I put it on on wedding day, my efforts seemed to have paid off in the gym and in the kitchen, and I felt really good with how it went up. Around this point I heard from downstairs that the limo had arrived, which was a huge relief because it actually showed up 10 minutes late. I was freaking out about that and was super relieved to hear that it had finally arrived.

We made the final call on my earrings, I was still deciding between several pairs (this had actually been something that I was super stressed out about the whole week leading up to the wedding, I hadn’t been able to make a decision to save my life, but for some reason everything seemed to make much more sense in the moment and the right choice was clear), and took some pictures upstairs in my room before I came downstairs to make the big reveal.

There was a bit of craziness downstairs in the house while I was upstairs getting ready. There had been some confusion about who was supposed to see me before I actually made the walk down the aisle, and who was not supposed to see me before I walked down the aisle. My mom ended up kind of kicking all of our extended family out of the house except for my immediate family and bridesmaids which stressed me out quite a lot because I knew that they weren’t going to be happy that they had been booted out of the house without getting to see me in my dress. In the end, I was happy to keep things a surprise until I walked down the aisle, but I do wish looking back that we had been more clear up front that everyone was going to have to head out for the hotel before they got to see me in my dress. Ah well, you live and learn.

There was lots of stress at the house even after I had come down the stairs. My mom had misplaced her cellphone and was frantically looking for it because she had promised her best friend in Burlington that someone would come and pick her up to take her downtown for the wedding, and didn’t have her cellphone number anywhere but on her own cellphone. Gotta love the era that we live in eh? If I got kidnapped, the only phone number that I would know off the top of my head is my childhood home phone number, not one person’s cell number!

With the big reveal over, my bridesmaids and I oohed and ahhed over the dress for a few minutes, took a few more pictures in the house (including some with my dapper kitty Blake who was wearing his tuxedo collar again) before finally making our way out the door towards the limo. It was pouring rain, I’m talking torrential downpour. My poor dad and maids of honour took the bullet for me and walked me out to the car with two umbrellas and all picking up my dress to keep it dry. The 50 metre driveway felt like it was 2 kilometres, but we finally made it to the limo bus and I was up and inside.

It took a few more minutes to get all of the girls and all of our bags loaded into the limo, and we were a few minutes later then I wanted to be leaving the house. It ended up being closer to 1:30pm that we were leaving Oakville, when I had wanted to leave by 1pm at the very latest. I was a bit stressed, but with the ceremony at 3:30pm, knew that we should be fine to get downtown as long as nothing completely crazy happened on the Gardiner. As we pulled out of the driveway and started moving the girls all started cheering and I remember feeling super excited, we were finally on our way!

I’ll be honest that it took me a little while to calm down once we were finally in the limo and on our way. The stress at the house had really wound me up and I was suddenly a huge ball of stress. Very un-Buddha, as I had been at the hair salon. I did finally get back to a semi-Buddha state after a few minutes on the road with traffic moving well, even in the pouring rain. We had fun in the limo, and the drive downtown went very quickly. In about 50 minutes we were downtown, with over an hour until the start of the ceremony, we were in good shape.

As we pulled onto Front Street, we all cheered again, and I started to get even MORE excited now that I could see the hotel. We had a minor moment of panic when we pulled onto Front Street because we had actually pulled up RIGHT BEHIND Matt’s limo on Front Street!! Luckily their limo had pulled into the valet parking area and our limo went straight to the front door, but I staged a bit of a sit-in and refused to move from the limo until I saw someone that I knew and trusted (aka my wedding planner Danielle, not the ding-dong from the Royal York) to make sure that I didn’t run into Matt in the lobby of the hotel.

Somehow, miraculously, it worked out that Danielle was able to get to the front door of the hotel to meet us as our limo pulled up, and the second photographer that had been with Matt and the guys all morning just so happened to be at the front door as well and was able to shoot some pictures of us getting out of the limo as well. We got whisked away from the limo doors through the lobby of the hotel, and I was just loving every moment of being “the bride”. It was everything that I had imagined to walk through the lobby in my dress with little girls tugging on their mom’s sleeves to point at us. I had had a similar experience in the lobby of the Royal York when I was younger, where I had seen a bride taking pictures by the famous clock tower. I can still picture the beautiful bride from that day, and I hope that maybe some of those little girls will remember seeing us that day as well. Who knows, maybe we will have inspired one of them to actually get married there herself one day.

We hopped in the elevator and Danielle took us up to the 8th floor to a suite, which I didn’t know at the time, but actually ended up being the honeymoon suite where Matt and I were going to sleep that night. It wasn’t at all ideal to have everyone in our honeymoon suite with all of their bags etc, but I’ll just chalk that up to the ding-dong from the Royal York yet again who was just completely and totally incapable of executing a wedding. The decision to put everyone in that particular suite instead of the previously agreed on Montebello Room on the 2nd floor of the hotel ended up causing some major trouble for us later on in the night, but that major trouble led to some pretty funny stories, so I guess I’ll take it all with a grain of salt!

On the walk from the lobby up to the suite on the 8th floor, I had a minor panic attack because as I was walking, it became super obvious to me that my dress was about an inch too long. I think the problem actually ended up being that I had actually lost about 4 pounds in the 7 days leading up to the wedding (and the 7 days since my last fitting). Losing those few extra pounds was awesome, and definitely didn’t come without hard work, but those extra pounds lost actually contributed to the dress sitting just a fraction of an inch lower on my ribcage then it needed to, and the hem of the dress dragging a little too far on the floor. As I was walking down the hallway, my feet were getting tangled up in the tule like a turbine and to my absolute horror, I was hearing a ripping sound from the tule underneath the lace, and I was absolutely freaked out. I knew that I could solve the problem by picking up the front of the dress, but for my walk down the aisle I needed to be walking with my hands in front of me and not picking up the front of the dress.

Danielle came to the rescue and helped us gather up some of the extra tule under the skirt in a hair elastic actually to keep it away from my feet, which helped a bit. It still wasn’t perfect, but I knew that I just had to make it down the aisle, and then I could pick it up for the rest of the night to move around.

The suite was absolutely beautiful, but I was a bit disappointed because nobody had connected with my mom to tell her that the plans had changed and we were up in the suite, so I never got to see her before I walked down the aisle. The intent all along had been to have her wait with us in the suite until just before we went down to the ceremony, but the poor thing didn’t know where we were and ended up walking around the 2nd floor of the hotel (where we were supposed to be) looking for us with a fruit tray and snacks 😦 Another logistics thing that I would have changed if I could go back in time, but again, ya live and learn!

We didn’t have long to wait in the suite before it was time to head down for the ceremony. My dad blew into the room like a hurricane just as it was time to head down, and I could tell that he had been busy running around the hotel too! Danielle walked with us down to what we affectionately referred to as “the holding pen” which was the adjoining room to the ballroom where our ceremony was going to take place, and where we would enter from to walk down the aisle. As we walked through the cocktail hour space and into the holding pen, we saw a couple of last minute guests sprinting as fast as they could to the ballroom doors, which made me giggle because I’ve been there, done that! Finally, we were in the holding pen, and I think that’s when the nerves really started to set in, especially for my bridesmaids!! Everyone started kind of freaking out, especially when Danielle started getting everyone lined up to walk down the aisle. Shivonne was cursing me out for making her go first and my dad had a major shoe crisis (LOL – just thinking about it makes me laugh), where literally 30 seconds before the doors opened for the bridesmaids he realized that there was a big smudge on his shoe, so he ran into the corner of the room and started licking his finger and rubbing his shoe….I die.

For some reason, I was really not nervous at all (really, I’m telling the truth!). I guess that’s a good thing (lol), but I was more excited than anything for the doors to open and for things to start coming to life. I really think that the bride may have been the calmest person in the room, which is pretty funny!

Danielle and her assistant Bailey were the ones to open the doors for us, and Bailey was still outside the doors in the cocktail hour space, so Danielle called her in, and the doors were opened for the bridesmaids!

It was totally surreal to stand off to the side and watch my girls begin their walk down the aisle one by one. They could see everything, and I couldn’t see anything, it was a very weird feeling! The music was absolutely beautiful (they walked down the aisle to a piano version of the song “A Thousand Years” which I totally love), and everything just seemed to fall into place. Once Lindsay had started down the aisle, Bailey and Danielle closed the doors, and my dad and I got to step into the doorway and get centred. I just couldn’t wait for the doors to open, I was dying to see Matt and see everyone altogether at the front, and see the space and how the décor had come together. I was ready to get this show on the road!

I heard the music change and was so relieved that we had hired our DJ to do the music for the ceremony. It was totally seamless to have the songs change, and that was something that I had been really worried about. Finally, Danielle and Bailey opened up the doors, and there we were face to face with just about everyone we knew!

For all of the times that I pictured walking down the aisle, it all went by in such a blur that I wish I could pick out more details to share with you. Some moments that stuck out to me:

• My dad tripping on my dress about 5 seconds into the walk (nobody seemed to notice except for his business partner who commented on it later on LOL)
• The front of the room with my bridesmaids on one side and Matt’s groomsmen on the other side looked as spectacular as I had always imagined it. I gave myself a mental high-five for choosing the rich red colour for the bridesmaid dresses, they looked stunning against the white backdrop.
• Matt looked handsome as a devil at the front. I couldn’t see his face from the end of the aisle, but he looked like he had it together. I later was told that he was teary, but from where I was standing he looked pretty good!!
• The aisle runner was a satin white material, and it was sent by my décor company as a last ditch attempt to kill me. The thing was a slip and slide. I nearly  bailed on it at least 15 times walking down the aisle, and to my horror, realized that the stairs up to the stage were also coated in the satanic satin.
• I locked eyes with my bridesmaids Adrienne’s mom (Christie) and noticed that she was wearing the most beautiful bright yellow dress
• I locked eyes with Matt’s mom who looked a little teary and mouthed the words “absolutely beautiful”
• I locked eyes with my own mom, who also looked a little teary

Once we got to the front (all of the above sounds like a lot, but it probably all registered in about 10 seconds or less), I gave my dad a hug, and was so happy to get to Matt. We made our way carefully up the satin stairs of death, and I had a  moment where I really and truly felt myself falling backwards, but I guess it must have all been in my head because nobody else seemed to see anything.

I was so happy to finally be there and to have Matt see me. It felt like a huge amount of stress had been lifted off of me at that point because the secrets were over no more hiding out in the hotel from each other or sneaking around corners etc etc

Our officiant was named Anne, and she was absolutely wonderful. Anne has this wonderful calm energy about her, and although she wasn’t always a perfect match for my Type -A, mile-a-minute personality, she was exactly, and I repeat, exactly what we needed on our wedding day. She was very personal, and managed somehow to weave little tidbits about us into the ceremony all the way through, without really knowing very much about us at all, she made us feel like she really did understand us and understand our relationship. And after so many years of doing this, perhaps she did! My very favorite line from the entire ceremony was when Anne reminded us how important it was to continue making happy memories together and to continue taking time for our relationship. She reminded us of our annual trip to Andrew’s Scenic Acres, where Matt had proposed, and urged us to “keep going”. That part was probably the most emotional of the ceremony for me, and the closest that I came to losing it.

Poor Matt struggled a bit with repeating the vows that Anne read out to him. I felt for the guy because he definitely had the tougher job of us two. He had to go first, and it was tough to hear Anne because she was whispering beside the microphone, and asking us to speak right into the microphone. Trouble hearing her combined with a bit of nerves made for a bit of a stumbly vow reading, but I had it much easier because I had already heard Matt say the words! We said our vows and then took a trip down the satin stairs of death to sign our marriage license with Matt’s best man Jeff and my maid of honour Lindsay.

I loved the music that we had chosen for the ceremony, and was so happy with the execution of the different song choices. Over the Rainbow (a Bob Marley re-make) was the song that was playing while we signed our registry, and after I had signed my part, I remember sitting there just kind of bobbing back and forth, totally peaceful. I think I waved at my 12 year old cousin Jackie and at my grandma, I was really happy and just feeling like the weight of the world was off my shoulders at that point.

We made our way back up the stairs and were only at the front for a moment while Anne gave us a few words of encouragement for our marriage. She made an announcement about our Lebanese food station during cocktail hour and I think for some reason I decided that was an appropriate time to “fist pump” with my flower bouquet….such a loser…. and then finally pronounced us husband and wife!

The Kiss: Tada!

Our Taylor Swift song (Today Was A Fairytale) came on to walk out to, I gave another fist pump with my bouquet (I was loving that apparently!) and the whole room started to cheer! It was awesome, such a happy memory. I will never forget it.

We got to the  back of the room and into the “holding pen”, and basically got assaulted by all of our wedding party and family who were filing in behind us. A lot of really happy moments in that holding pen as well as everyone hugged us and said congratulations. Matt’s groomsman Syl was the first one to hug me, followed by my own brother Ramsey (we got this picture, and I really like it, it’s one of the more natural ones that we got that day!).

Once the excitement had died down a bit and once all of our guests had filed out of the ceremony space and into the cocktail hour foyer, we all went back into the ceremony space to do our formal pictures with family.

Our photographers executed with military precision working through our shot-list like clockwork. I was so thankful that we had taken the time to put together that detailed shot list, even though it all seemed like it was so obvious that we would want each of those pictures. My brain was out the window, and I just wasn’t in a frame of mind that I could clearly remember who needed to be in what picture. The list made it super easy, and the photographers just called up every family member for each picture one at a time, and it all went super smoothly.

It probably took about 30 minutes to get all of our formal pictures done, and then it was just our wedding party that was going to head outside to do some more fun pictures against the Toronto skyline. I had put a lot of thought into what props and cute shots that I wanted to use, and we had a big Tupperware bin full of props that we were carting out to the street with us.

We headed down into the lobby and got some pictures by the famous clock-tower. I just loved having our whole wedding party all together in the lobby, and again just loved all of the attention from people oohing and ahhing over seeing us all together! We headed outside into the rain and the wind, and dang it was cold.

I will confess at this point that my mom had fought tooth and nail for me to let her buy black fur stole’s for all of my girls, and a white fur stole for me. I had fought her every step of the way insisting that we didn’t need them, that it was a waste of money etc etc, and we eventually landed on black pashmina’s for the bridesmaids, black fur stoles for the maids of honour and a white fur stole for me. (All faux fur by the way – much love to my animal peeps!). I have to totally give the point to my mom on this one, we would have frozen like popsicles without those cover-ups (actually, I think the bridesmaids did freeze as it was, but without the pashminas it would have been even worse!). The weather was nasty and it wasn’t ideal to be outside at all, but we made the best of it, and the traffic on the street was so supportive. As soon as we started crossing the road everyone started honking their horns and cheering and making a big fuss for us, it was so much fun that it kind of made me forget about the weather!

Our plan was to do some pictures outside of Union Station, which had just opened up after nearly 2.5 years of renovations on the exterior. It really looks beautiful now, with big stone pillars outside and a really nice, antique old look to it. I had contacted Union Station to ask if we needed a photo permit and had been told that no we didn’t need a permit to take photos outside of the station. As it turned out, I guess that wasn’t right because it just so happened that there was ANOTHER bride that was outside the station trying to take photos as well! Of all the luck!?

At first I was a bit sad to see another bride because it meant that I wasn’t the only bride of the day anymore, but as Matt pointed out (as only Matt could), I really got to be the “rockstar bride” because the other bride didn’t seem to want much to do with us or the street and was kind of hidden away under the awning while we got all of the attention on the street! There was some drama where they actually asked the Union Station officials to kick us off the property, but our photographers came up big and negotiated with them just long enough to get the rest of the pictures that we wanted. I think the guy kind of felt bad because he came back a few minutes later and said, “Look…technically our property line is here on the sidewalk…so if you stood on this side of the line…there’s nothing that I could do about it….”. 🙂

In any case, we got some great pictures outside, and in hindsight I am super thrilled with all of them. We got some fun ones using the props that I had brought, including some painted letters C-A-R-S (for Cristina, Adrienne, Rachel and I to hold up) and some picture frames and overall I was really happy with the pictures that we got. The wedding party took off once we were done outside, and Matt and I did just a few more pictures on our own outside the hotel and on the stairs leading into the lobby. These ones turned out really nice as well, overall we were really happy with all of our pictures.

After our pictures were done, we headed back into the cocktail hour, but secretly through a side door so that we didn’t get mauled (LOL) so that we could get into our reception ballroom before everyone else entered to take a look at the decor and how everything had come to life. We met up with my parents at this point (I’m not sure where exactly they came from!) and stepped into the Concert Hall at the Royal York where Danielle was waiting for us with a tray of appetizers (god bless that woman, seriously).

I devoured as many mini-cheeseburgers as I could fit in my mouth, nodded approvingly at the decor and the room layout, and then we snuck back out of the Concert Hall and through the adjoining room into the ceremony space, where our wedding party was waiting for us with the rest of our immediate families, getting ready for our big entrances into the reception!

I have to say that this 10 minutes or so was up there in my list of top moments from the entire day! I had sent several emails out in the previous weeks about people entering to the reception. We were hoping that our wedding party would step up and make the entrances memorable, but nobody really seemed overly enthused about it in the days leading up to the wedding (especially the guys!). We took a chance and I had gone to a Halloween super store a couple of weeks before the wedding and picked up a bunch of fun props for people to use on their entrances (boas, hats, bling, glow sticks, scarves, ties etc etc). Sure enough, once we put down that big tupperware bin of props, our wedding party totally got into it, and everyone dove on the box to start rifling through for props to use and choreographing their entrances with their partner down to the step!! It was absolutely hilarious for Matt and I because we were just sitting there on the stage watching all of this go down in sheer and utter amazement. I remember laughing so hard watching it all happen in front of me.

Danielle came to get us around 6:30pm once everyone had entered the reception space and the doors had closed, and we once again got all lined up to enter the room. This time it was my parents who were cursing me out because they ended up going first (my mom felt particularly strongly about that LOL), but everyone did an amazing job, and the entrances were truly awesome. I haven’t seen the video footage yet, but I really can’t wait to!!

Just before Matt and I entered, I thought that I was going to be down one groom because Matt seemed to need a moment to collect his thoughts, and kind of doubled over with his hands on his knees (read: being a weird goalie with a head problem lol). He totally freaked me out before I remembered that he was a goalie and just being a headcase lol it was our turn to enter and I think we both just kind of blacked out for that whole part LOL, we came in to the song “Everybody” (better known as “Backstreet’s Back”) by the Backstreet Boys (oh the shame lol) and we kind of danced around a bit before we transitioned into our first dance.

I must say, I was so, so happy that Matt and I had taken a couple of ballroom dancing lessons because it was a huge, massive relief to have something to do while we were out on that dance floor all by ourselves! Our first song was “Then” by Brad Paisley, and everything went fairly smoothly, except for a bit of stepping on the dress (sigh), but we were really happy with how it all went (and I think we were both a bit relieved when it was over too!). We did get some great pictures of the dance, and of our dip grand finale! 🙂

After the first dance, we were quite relieved to go and sit down and to eat! Our DJ did a pretty good job of controlling the crowd, he totally ad-libbed a dancing challenge that people had to do to get us to kiss (instead of the totally annoying clinking of the glasses), and had our ringette family tables demonstrate to the YMCA, which totally cracked me up, and definitely deserved a kiss. After that, there was some more house keeping stuff, and then the first course was served, which was a totally delicious Caesar salad. Sounds pretty basic, I know, but let me tell you about this Caesar salad….to die for. Matt (being the salad-loathing type that he is) was the only person in the whole room to be served a bowl of tomato soup instead of the salad! Pays to be the groom I guess?! 😉 We also served La Scala champagne (my favorite, and one of the only types that I like!) to be used for toasts!

While the appetizers were served, Neil and Lindsay did the first two speeches, and they were absolutely fantastic. I was so touched and so impressed with how wonderfully the speeches all came together. They were the perfect blend of sweet and funny and serious, and I just loved hearing every single one of them.

Between the appetizer and entree course, Matt and I got up to start visiting tables and saying hello to as many people as we could. We started on our right side of the room, but really that was a mistake, as it turned out that the majority of our families were on the left side of the room, and we just ran out of time and didn’t make it over to the left side of the room. That was a huge regret, and another logistics thing that I would have changed, if only I could 😦

We did get in great visits with everyone on the right hand side of the room including my family from Lebanon, Matt’s Red Lake crew and friends from Brussels, my dad’s work colleagues, my friends from the gym, Matt’s running friends and Matt’s groomsmen’s girlfriends.

What we didn’t realize while we were visiting was that the staff at the Royal York was waiting for us to sit down before they served the main course! Danielle had to come over and tell us that they were waiting for us to sit down, because of course nobody had bothered to tell us that from the Royal York. In fact, I had not communicated one word with one single person from the Royal York hotel that entire day to that point. With that information, we did sit down, and sure enough, the main courses were served right away.

Our main course options were a beef tenderloin that was melt in your mouth tender and a potato Savoyard (basically a big square of potatoes cooked with cheese and all kinds of yummy stuff), a chicken breast stuffed with goat cheese and a roasted red pepper mashed potato or a yummy vegetarian option which was a tomato stuffed with wild rice and bean mash and this big veggie spring roll that was actually pretty tasty. Both Matt and I had chosen the beef, but when the plate was put in front of me, I was disappointed by the Royal York yet again, because the potatoes weren’t what we had selected at the tasting, they were a mashed potato and not the potato Savoyard. Again, I was frustrated for about 20 seconds, and then decided, to hell with it, and mashed potatoes it was going to be. And I’ll admit, they were pretty good 🙂

During the entrée course, we heard speeches from Matt’s best man Jeff, my maid of honour Bailey and also Matt’s parents (who also brought up Matt’s three brothers with them to make it kind of a full family speech). Again, I really loved all of their speeches, everyone did such a beautiful job. I laughed because both Lindsay and Bailey mentioned my 21st birthday  party where Matt had flown from Edmonton to surprise me in Waterloo. Guess that move really paid off for him! 😉

We did a little more visiting around tables after the entrée course had been cleared (and at some point in there my friends Kelly and Maggie from the gym, and my Dad’s colleague’s wife Lisa got up and danced to “Sexy and I Know It” to get us to kiss!) before dessert was served. We served two desserts alternating between each person, one was a sticky toffee pudding with salted caramel sauce and fresh cream (to die for) and one was a chocolate trio with a chocolate mousse, chocolate cake and chocolate brownie. Matt and I had reached a total stalemate when we were doing the menu tasting, I was firmly on Team Caramel, and Matt was solidly on Team Chocolate. We couldn’t get agreement with my family either (who was at the tasting), so we decided to go the alternating route. We had asked our DJ to actually announce the two desserts and explain what had gone on and why there were the two options, but with everything going on, he must have forgotten because it never got done. Ah well 🙂

After dessert, it was time for our speeches. I had been a bit frustrated with myself for how much trouble I had putting down the right words for my speech. I was in the field at work for the year leading up to my wedding and had spent a lot of time on the 407 highway back and forth from the East and North GTA, and I always seemed to do my best thinking on those long stretches of open highway, but when I would get back to a computer and try and put the words down on the screen, I would come up empty. I had made some good progress earlier in the week, but was still not totally happy with how it had come together. I knew that Matt wasn’t feeling too happy with how his speech had come together either, so I wasn’t sure how either of us were going to do!

Thankfully, our speeches went very well, and I was really happy with them. Thank goodness my words came out more warmly and with more emotion then they had on the piece of paper, and I got some good laughs from the crowd (thank God LOL). Matt did a great job with his speech too, and again, we were both relieved to get through them in one piece and to have them go well!

As I had stood up to walk to the podium for our speech, my big massive train on my dress had come unbustled. Danielle and my mom had struggled to get it bustled in the first place, and I figured that I would have to go and bother them again to help me get it re-bustled, BUT what actually ended up happening was that as soon as our speeches were over, our DJ called me and my Dad to the dance floor for our first dance!! Yikes!!

My first dance with my Dad was to “Your Song” by Elton John, which is a song that we both love. I had actually wanted that to be my first dance with Matt, but Matt convinced me otherwise. There was a bit of stepping on the dress again, and I think we got a bit off-time on our slow “waltz” (my Dad had also taken some lessons with my mom for ballroom dancing, and I had jumped in for the last few minutes on their last lesson to learn a few steps for our dance), but we had a lot of fun and everything was just perfect. Check out the #bustlefail below:

Matt’s first dance with his mom immediately followed me and my Dad, and they danced to a super sweet song called “All To You” by Scott Keo.

After that, it was time to get the party started! Our DJ did a great job of getting everyone onto the dance floor by asking all of the couples to come up and dance to “Can’t Help Falling in Love with You” by Elvis, and then once that song was over jumping right into Uptown Funk by Bruno Mars. His strategy totally worked, and our dance floor was packed the entire night. I was a bit selfish and totally stayed on the dance floor for most of the night, while Matt did the right thing and went around to do some more visiting as well.

Some highlights from the party:

• The GUYS?! Matt’s groomsmen and my bridesmaids boyfriends absolutely CRACKED.ME.UP. with their dancing!!! Shivonne’s boyfriend Dan was so hysterical and actually ended up splitting his pants on the dance floor, Kelly’s fiancé Geoff was right up there too, and Matt’s groomsman Duncan had actually spent the past three weeks teaching himself to dance by watching YouTube videos to “prepare” for this dance floor?! LOL. They didn’t disappoint, and the guys were absolutely the life of the party.
• The Lebanese music that we had asked our DJ to include in the playlist was a huge hit!! We loved dancing to it and I think our guests totally got into it and enjoyed the cultural flare! My relatives from Lebanon also stepped up huge and got everyone involved in a Debke line, which was very cool!
• The sweets table was a hit, but by the time that I realized the stations were out, the grilled cheese sandwiches were completely gone?! I actually never found a single person who got some of the grilled cheese?! Whoever got there early must have swiped them all?! 😉 I got to taste some of Troy’s beautiful red velvet cake, and I had actually just picked up a piece of the cake in my hands and was going to take a bite when Troy came up right behind me and tapped me on the shoulder to say, get a plate!! The cake turned out delicious and was absolutely perfect on the desserts table.
• One of Matt’s hockey buddies had had a couple of drinks (lol!) and was totally into the party. None of my family or friends knew who he was and I had a couple of people storm up to me and ask if he was a wedding crasher, and if they should kick him out!! Lol!!
• We snuck outside with our photographers to take some night time pictures (much to my dismay – I was way into the party and basically had to get dragged outside to do these pictures!), but I was glad to get them in the end.
• My friend Siara kept bringing me little tiny screwdriver drinks because the bar wasn’t serving shots, so she just had them pour a shot of vodka into a tiny splash of orange juice LOL
• Matt’s brother Neil dancing up a storm with a giant pirate hat on his head with their little girl cousins
• Tossing the bouquet and aiming for my maid of honour Lindsay (we had some history with bouquet catching after our friend Siara’s wedding lol)

We had an absolutely awesome time at our party, and I was so sad when it was over. There was still a big crowd there right until 1am when the lights came on, and the last song was “Time Of Your Life”, which was absolutely appropriate. My mom actually went up to our DJ and was trying to convince him to stay for another hour by paying him off!! Lol!!

We gathered up all of the maple sugar candies from the tables (they had come together really well, Dianne absolutely came through with thousands of the little treats!!) and started to find our way back to our suite. I was with Lindsay, her boyfriend Lee and Matt on our way back to the honeymoon suite so that Lindsay and Lee could get their bags, and several of my other bridesmaids were in a separate party also trying to find the suite so that they could get their bags. This was the part where things got a bit crazy, people lost in the hallways of hotels, Matt got separated from us somehow and ended up roaming the halls of the 8th floor calling my name looking for me (LOL), but in the end, everyone got their bags and Matt and I ended up opening up some of our gifts in our suite, eating some very fresh, delicious coconut macaroons that the hotel had left for us, and passing out around 3:30am. It was somewhere around here that I realized that I hadn’t had to go to the bathroom in over 16 hours?!?!? I hadn’t gone once all day, and still didn’t have to go, and I had been drinking different liquids all day!!? Camel bladder for the win!!!

We were up around 9:30am or 10:00am and downstairs for brunch with everyone, where there was some more chaos still to come! First of all, you could clearly identify who had forgotten to bring various articles of clothing because the guys were still wearing their suits, or their dress shoes or the girls were still wearing their heels with their casual clothes! Matt’s brother Scott had had a mix-up where their cousin had accidentally picked up his backpack from the guys suite and poor Dianne and him had spent half the night trying to figure out what had happened with the hotel staff, but they had finally gotten to the bottom of it. I just laughed and laughed at that brunch, there were so many funny stories from the day and the night before. We were telling them for the rest of the day and for the rest of the week. To be honest, we’re still telling them now!!

We spent the rest of Sunday packing up our stuff at the Royal York (we ended up taking a big SUV cab home with Matt and Neil because there was no space in cars for us!), and went over to my parents for a dinner with lots of our family and a few friends as well.

We got home later in the evening and had a relaxing night with Syl and Kayla, Matt’s family and Jeff and Landon (the other groomsmen and their girlfriends had had to leave straight from the hotel). Matt and I were off to Great Wolf Lodge for a few days of fun the next day, and there was tons to do! We opened up the majority of our gifts, writing down in each card what everyone had so generously given us, and just told more and more stories. There was so much laughter that night, it was the perfect way to celebrate the end of our perfect wedding day.

This has been a mammoth post, it’s taken weeks and weeks to write, but I am so thankful to have the memories from this day! I still think about our wedding day all the time and re-play the moments from it fondly in my head. We were so fortunate to be surrounded by so much love and happiness on that day, and every day in our lives. Our wedding really brought our attention to how lucky we are to have our friends and our families. We are a truly blessed couple, and so grateful.

Hi Everyone!

Well, I can’t believe that I am sitting here writing this right now, but our big day has come and gone (almost 5 weeks ago now!); we’re married!! Yippee!!

I’ve missed keeping up to date with this blog terribly over the course of this year, but with everything going on, I think it’s a miracle that I even made it down the aisle in one piece with everything that I WAS keeping on top of, let alone to add one more thing! I have so many goals and visions for this space, I am hoping that you won’t give up on me for good!

It’s been a full week since our wedding now, and while the memories are still somewhat fresh in my mind, I thought that I would get started on documenting as many of the little moments as I possibly could so that we have something to look back on fondly.

Sunday October 18th

The Sidders Family (Roy, Dianne and Scott) arrived from Red Lake on Saturday October 17th in the early evening, a full week before the wedding! It was so great to have them arrive because it kind of meant that the party was starting a week early! On the Sunday, I was feeling pretty good about most things wedding related. I had my final dress fitting at Kleinfelds downtown and was so happy to have Dianne come with me and my mom to see the dress! I was a bit of a nervous wreck because at the second fitting, the dress had been taken in a little bit too much at the waist and was kind of squeezing the life out of me. This time, the fit was perfect, and I was much happier leaving then I was the last time! I was still on the hunt for the perfect pair of pearl/crystal earrings to wear with the dress, and ended up buying a pair at The Bay, only to find that I didn’t quite like them when I had the dress on. The return policy was “too bad, so sad”, so I got myself  new pair of pearl earrings to wear to work! Fancy! 🙂

After the dress fitting, we hooked up with the rest of the gang, my Dad and Ramsey to go for dinner at Chop Steakhouse just down the road from our house in Burlington. We had such a great time at dinner, and that dinner really felt like it was the “kick-off” for the rest of the week’s festivities! There were lots of stories about Vegas, lots of dirt and stories being shared about each other, and lots of fodder for the upcoming speeches at the wedding!

Starting on the Friday (October 16th), I hadn’t been feeling 100%. I started realizing that I was coming down with a cold or a sinus infection earlier in the week, and had been LOADING up on vitamins, water, trying to get extra sleep….I was absolutely panicked that I would be sick on the wedding day. All day I hadn’t been feeling great, and was finding that the more water I drank, the better I felt. Towards the end of dinner, I started to feel light headed again, and was even more panicked that I was getting sick. I don’t get sick very often, but when I do, I get sick like I mean it. I was absolutely panicked, which didn’t help the oncoming sickness at all!

I went to bed absolutely dreading going to work for the next two days and wishing that I could just fast forward time to Wednesday. Two days of work to go!

Monday October 19th

I woke up with eyelids made of lead on Monday morning and laid in bed for a solid half hour just dreading the day ahead. Work was hopping busy, and I couldn’t even imagine trying to fit the next week and a half into two days! I finally got myself up and downstairs, only to find Dianne wide awake on the couch. We chatted for a few minutes before I headed off.

It was a busy day at work, but I was completely distracted with wedding business all day. I was back and forth with the Royal York coordinator (Carole), with Have a Seat (my decor company) and with Danielle (my wedding planner) all day with little details. I had an afternoon of solid meetings and a lunch time meeting with my boss so couldn’t even get out of the office all day! It was a behemoth of a day, and I was so glad when it was over!

I raced home a few minutes early to call our DJ and go through the last minute details with him, and then it was off to our final dance lesson with my friend Denise (who I met in my BodyPump class on Wednesday nights!). We had had an awesome time with Denise over the past several weeks, she had been working with us on a slow rumba to a Brad Paisely song (“Then”), and it felt like it was slowly coming together! We had a great last lesson with her, and then came home to steaks that Dianne had made for us while we were out. Roy and Scott had gone out to Niagara Falls for the night to see Matt’s Granddad, so it was just the three of us for dinner. I hadn’t been eating carbs for the two weeks before the wedding, so it was a bit tough for people to plan meals around me!

One more work day to go!

Tuesday October 20th

Last day of work! Woohoo! I woke up much happier then I had been on Monday, because I knew that by the time the day was over, I was free! Dianne had started to make the maple sugar candies for our wedding favours overnight, and the kitchen was starting to get pretty full with the extra table loaded up with cooling racks and perfect little maple syrup sugar candies.

I had a crazy busy day at work, I was up to my eyeballs in things to do, and probably could have stayed at the office until 9pm, but that wasn’t an option because….I had to teach a BodyAttack Release Class at 6:30!! It just so happened that Release Week (which was only three days from Tuesday October 20th – Thursday October 22nd this time around) fell in the four days leading up to our wedding, go figure! I was super excited to get to class and teach to blow off some steam, because it had been a particularly stressful day, both on the wedding front and on the work front.

I was copied on an email from Carole at the Royal York to my DJ Tom earlier in the day asking him to confirm his power requirements for the wedding. Tom had replied back to them with his power requirements, and shortly after we got an email back from the A/V company at the Royal York with a quote telling us that we would owe $2,000 in extra costs to ensure the power was uninterrupted (uhh…WTF?!). Our DJ had replied back right away telling them that the quote was outrageous, and that he had never seen anything like this before at any of the venues he had played at. I think this kind of ticked them off, because they replied back a bit snippy and told us that it was up to us what we wanted to do, but that they could not guarantee our uninterrupted power without the extra cost. At this point, I was feeling really low, like I was being taken advantage of, and just pretty inadequate overall. It felt like all of this should have been taken care of a long time ago, and that it was something I should have been more on top of.

I came home from the gym feeling better (duh), and told Matt all about the power predicament of 2015. I had an in-person meeting scheduled with my coordinator from the Royal York on Wednesday morning, so we decided to wait until I could talk to her in person before freaking out anymore then I already was. Dinner was chicken, and damn, it was delicious. It’s nice to come home to healthy, cooked meals every day!!! 🙂

Wednesday October 28th

What felt like our last “full day” before everyone started to arrive was a busy one. I had two appointments downtown: the first one to meet with the Royal York (boourns) and the second one to pick up my dress from Kleinfelds (YAY!). My mom and I sat in traffic for over 90 minutes trying to get into the downtown core, making us over 20 minuts late for our appointment with the coordinator. Not a great start when you’re trying to convince them that you shouldn’t be paying $2,000 extra dollars!!

Luckily for us, the coordinator was still able to meet with us. Our meeting didn’t start off on a great foot. I think both my mom and I had our backs WAY up because of everything from the day before, and we probably came off a bit prickly. I think the best indication was when she shook my mom’s hand and said “Hi Mom!” and my mom (very coldly I should add) replied “It’s Cyndie. Thanks.”. Meow!

From there, things really went down hill fast. The coordinator was a really lovely lady, but I just didn’t get a sense of confidence from her that she really had any clue whatsoever what was happening with our wedding. We were back and forth on little details like who would meet me at the door of my limo to take me upstairs to the suite where we would be waiting to walk down the aisle? We butted heads a lot over logistics because she insisted that my wedding planner should be handling all of these details and not her. I found this really hard to stomach because I had PAID EXTRA for a wedding planner, and all the while I was thinking that this was over-kill because I had the coordinators at the Royal York working for me as well. It turns out that this wasn’t the case AT ALL, and I thanked my lucky, lucky stars for my coordinator Danielle about a thousand times over the course of the week. She was a gift from the heavens!!!

The last item to talk about at our meeting was the power debacle from the day before. Her only solution was to call the A/V company and ask them for a “better quote” to save us some money. I asked her pretty directly “Do we need this extra power in order to have our DJ play uninterrupted, yes or no?” and she couldn’t give me an answer, which in essence, was my answer itself. At this point, I really started to feel like I was being taken advantage of, and it pissed me off BIG time. We left without resolving anything, and waiting to hear back from the A/V company on this “better quote” that she was talking about.

I left the Royal York totally stressed out, frustrated and upset. But there was no time to be much more upset because we had to get over to Kleinfelds to pick up my dress! A quick hop, skip and a jump through horrendous Toronto traffic, and we were at the Eaton Centre, and on our way up the maddeningly slow elevators to Kleinfelds. My dress was gorgeous in all it’s spectacular beauty, except that I did notice a little thread right at the bust line, so the seamstress came up and cut it off right in front of me.

Now, I know that you haven’t seen my full dress, but let me just tell you, it’s larger then it looks, and it’s heavier than it looks!!! When she handed me the hanger and told me I had to walk with it above my head out to the parking lot, I just looked at her with fear in my eyes. What?! Another option was to hold it across my arms like I was a mummy, which was hilarious because it totally blocked my entire head from view, so I literally looked like a headless mummy with a gigantic white bag. My mom took some pictures of me walking out of the mall with the dress, I still need to get those from her actually!!

Here is a picture of the dress that sort of starts to show the magnitude of the bottom….this sucker is heavy, let me tell you!!!!!!!! Thank God I work out, right? ;

The total ridiculousness of the whole thing was just what we needed, and both my mom and I started to get SUPER excited now that the dress was in the back of our car and we were bringing it home. It took up almost the entire back of the car, with the seats down!!!

The day turned around completely when we got home. We were like kids in a candy store bringing the dress inside, getting it hung up in my closet and unpackaged. We dragged my brother Ramsey in to show him the dress as well, and my cat Blake was buzzing around like a maniac in my bedroom trying to get into the dress, under the dress and just generally to get our attention. He cracks me up, that cat is good for my soul.

While we were putting away the dress, my mom also showed me these two absolutely beautiful black fur stoles that she had picked up for my maids of honour, and really nice black pashmina wraps that she had picked up for each of my bridesmaids! I had been against the whole idea because I thought it was expensive, but had to admit that they were absolutely beautiful and would look great in pictures. She also told me that she had had one made for me in white as well, which I was really excited about! I had fought my mom on that idea earlier at Kleinfelds because they cost a ridiculous amount of money, and I just couldn’t see us actually wearing them, but seeing them in person, I started to get a better idea for how they would work.

I stuck around at my parents house for another 2ish hours cramming my choreography for the BodyStep release class that I was going to teach at 5:30, AND for my regular BodyPump class that I was going to teach at 6:30. I had totally left the choreo to the last minute (hmm, wonder why!?) and had some serious cramming to do.

I wasn’t feeling 100% (still), but the vitamins and the drugs were definitely helping, and I made it through both classes in one piece. As I came out of the gym, I had a text from Matt asking what my plans for dinner were, because his groomsmen and their girlfriends were starting to arrive, and they were all hungry! I was excited to see everyone, and so said that I wanted to go out with them, and that I would meet them at Montana’s where they were already walking in. It felt like the wedding festivities were finally getting underway!

I walked into Montana’s feeling tired, but happy, and getting really, really excited! I ordered a decent salmon salad and was pretty happy with how it came out. Matt’s groomsman Syl and his girlfriend Kayla had arrive from Thunder Bay at stupid o’clock in the morning that day, Jeff (Matt’s best man) and his girlfriend Sydney had arrived only a few hours earlier and Matt’s youngest brother Troy had arrived from London that evening as well. We all had lots of stories from the day, Syl and Matt’s brother Scott had gone in to get their tuxedos measured at Moore’s, and I guess had been treated pretty rudely by the lady working there. That opened the gateway nicely into the way that I had been treated at the Royal York! We must have sounded like a pretty gruff bunch! We lingered as long as possible in the restaurant to give Dianne some space back at our house, she was up to her ears in maple syrup candies, and desperately needed some space.

When we couldn’t delay anymore, we all mosied back over to our house, where 10+ full size adults crammed into our tiny living room/kitchen/dining room combo on top of the hundred maple sugar candies, boxes etc etc. To call it chaos is a bit of an understatement, we were all the heck over each other! The boys started into a Heineken mini-keg, and the conversation got pretty amusing. We finally headed up to bed well after midnight with plans to meet up with the gang tomorrow to start working on some of the errands that needed to get done: suits for the groomsmen, baking the cake for Troy, more maple syrup candies, errands for the rehearsal dinner on Friday and many more!

Thursday October 29th

Thursday dawned and it was an absolutely beautiful day. The forecast was calling for rain on Saturday and I was starting to pray that it would be wrong, and that the weather would be just the same as it was on Thursday.

Thursday was a nice day around the house, and as Roy said in the morning, he thought that the Thursday would be the best day leading up to the wedding because there was still time to work on things, and stress levels weren’t too high just yet. He ended up being right, and Thursday was indeed a great day.

The kitchen, however, was turning into a complete and utter disaster zone, much to my horror. Dianne was working away full-steam ahead on the maple sugar candies, and Troy was working on our massive three tiered wedding cake, and the combination was something out of the apocalypse. I pretty much just had to not look at it or risk an aneurysm.

On Thursday morning, Matt took the remaining groomsmen over to Moore’s to take care of getting their suits measured and alterations taken. I stayed at the house with Syl, Dianne and Troy and we worked on some odd little tasks (like painting the wooden letters that I had bought to hold up with Cristina, Adrienne, Rachel) around the house. I also tried to do some cleaning and organizing around the house, although I knew that it was really all hopeless! The boys came back from the suit expedition and the next task for them was to go out grocery shopping for the rehearsal dinner supplies, and also for supplies for the big brunch that Syl was going to cook on the morning of the wedding.

I nipped out to Shoppers Drug Mart to get a couple of things in the morning, one of which was three bottles of Draino for our shower, which was behaving very poorly, and was looking more like a bath then a shower!! While I was out at Shoppers, it dawned on me that I didn’t yet have an appointment to get my nails done for the wedding. The nail salon was in the same plaza as Shoppers, and so I stopped in to make an appointment for that same afternoon. Luckily they had room for three appointments that day and one appointment the next morning. My mom and my brother Andrew’s girlfriend Natalie were hoping to come with me to get their nails done, so this worked perfectly.

Around the house, spirits were high, we were all pretty light hearted and joking around. I spent a lot of good, solid time that afternoon working on my wedding speech at the kitchen table while the guys played Mario Kart on the Nintendo 64 that Troy had brought with him from London. It was pretty hysterical to sit there and listen to how into it they all got. Definitely good for the nerves and the last minute jitters. I was mostly concerned with trying to get the big tupperware containers packed up with things that were ready to go down to the hotel the next night for the rehearsal dinner. At 3:30, my mom and Natalie came by the house and we were off to get our nails done. I even convinced my mom to get shellac nail polish, which neither of us have had before, because it’s supposed to last longer than the regular polish! I decided to stick with the classic french manicure rather then do anything too exotic. I had them add a really thin line of silver glitter just under the white part of the nail just to amp it up a little bit. I was really happy with how it turned out, and Natalie got the most fabulous golden glittery nail polish I’ve ever seen! I may just have to go back for that colour one day myself. Once I had the nail polish on, I was worried about doing too much with my hands for fear of wrecking it!

Both Dianne and Troy had been working long hours in the kitchen, and the plan was that we would all head over to Jake’s Boat House (a restaurant that my family loves just down the road from our house, and also conveniently attached to the hotel that the groomsmen were staying at) to have dinner with all of the groomsmen, their girlfriends and my family from Lebanon who had arrived from Lebanon only hours earlier that day.

We met up with my family from Lebanon in the lobby of the hotel, and I just couldn’t believe that they were here…AGAIN!! They had all come to visit us in Canada only three short months earlier this year in the summer time, and I couldn’t believe that they had made the effort to come back only 3 months later. It almost felt surreal. We waited for my aunt and uncle who had literally just arrived from the airport to shower and get dressed, and then headed over to the restaurant where we had managed to get a reservation for 24 people on only 6 hours notice!

I ended up sitting at a table with all of my family and Matt’s family because there wasn’t room for me at the table with the groomsmen/younger folks, but that was fine with me because it gave me a chance to chat with my family who had come such a long way. I ordered a salad with chicken (surprise, surprise), but was happy with it. A huge learning from this year is that it doesn’t have to be a bad thing to be eating healthy, I’ve been really impressed with the quality of the food that I’ve been able to order and stay on plan over the course of the year. Eating well definitely isn’t as “hard” as we make it out to be in our heads. Bottom line.

Everyone was feeling pretty tired by the end of the night, and we headed on home. Troy hadn’t been able to join us for dinner because he still had lots of work to do on the cake, and he was working away when we got home. Our new KitchenAid Stand Mixer that we had got at a wedding shower earlier this year was coming in handy and was whirring away! We all hung around the house for a bit strategizing for the next day. We decided that there was going to be a “relaxed crew” that would include Neil, Duncan, Sanna and Scott around our house, and then a “rehearsal dinner crew” that would include Syl, Kayla and Frosty that would be heading over to my parents house in the morning to start prepping for the rehearsal dinner that night.

Once again, we were all up pretty late, and I was anxious to get to bed because I felt like I still had a lot of little errands to do the next day. I needed to touch base with all of my vendors one more time (including my limo company, who I needed to make some updates with), pay my vendor for the Lebanese food station at our cocktail hour, pick up some last minute props and fun things at Michaels, deposit a bank draft from Matt’s parents and pay off my Visa to make room for other charges!! I went to bed with my head racing through a list of a million things to do. Matt also had to be up at the crack of dawn to be at Pearson Airport to pick up his last groomsman Duncan who was the total unsung hero of the wedding weekend, flying in overnight on Thursday night, and flying out Sunday afternoon. It felt like Christmas Eve!!

Friday October 23rd

I set my alarm for 8:30am, and thought that I was pretty ahead of the game. The house was quiet when I woke up, and it was a gift from God to be able to just move around on my own before everyone was up. I got dressed and quickly got out of the house to get started on my list of errands, noticing that Duncan was asleep on our couch with Troy on the other side of the couch (LOL). First on the list was the bank to deposit the bank draft and get my finances squared away.

On my way back from the bank, I stopped in at Michaels and had a really great time browsing the aisles of the store picking up Sharpie markers for the wooden letter “S” that we had bought for our wedding guest book, props for our photos, baskets to put in the washrooms with little necessity-type products for our guests to use, and any other fun little odds and ends that I could find. I probably spent a little bit too much time in Michaels, but I was enjoying myself and wasn’t in a huge hurry to get back to the chaotic house! I had been kind of all over the place in terms of what I needed to pick up and what props I wanted for photos, but for some reason, everything seemed really clear and easy to decide that morning. Maybe that’s because I was fresh out of time and had no more time for in decision. Hah.

I knew that I did need to get going because I had promised that I would bring breakfast back to the house for everyone there, and I needed to take a big contingent of the groomsmen (and Kayla!) over to my mom’s house in Oakville to start preparing potatoes and salads for the rehearsal dinner that night.

A quick stop at Tim Hortons, a dozen donuts, 8 breakfast sandwiches and 12 cups of coffee later (my 15 year old self cringed as I was placing the order, I used to work for Tim Hortons and knew what this would do to them during a breakfast rush!), I was back at the house of chaos, and ready to move on to the next task.  Since I had an appointment for a facial and my eyebrows in Oakville, the plan was for me to take the “rehearsal dinner crew” over to Oakville on my way there. I went over to the hotel and picked up Syl and Kayla, came back to the house and grabbed Jeff Frostiak and the groceries and traded Syl for Neil.

At this point, tensions were running pretty high in the kitchen around the cake. Troy had been working like a slave all day and all night on the thing for days, and was having a bit of trouble with the fondant ripping and tearing on him. I could see that Matt was getting super stressed out about the whole thing, and so we decided that it would be best for Syl to stay back at the house and help Troy with the cake, and bring Neil along with us to my parents house to start setting up for the rehearsal dinner.

We were all in pretty good spirits on our way over to my parents house in Oakville. The weather was once again, absolutely sunny and beautiful and it was hard to be too stressed when everything was so gorgeous outside. We made it to the house in good time, unloaded the groceries, I picked up my mom, my Aunt Kathy and cousin Jason (who had just arrived from Sault Ste. Marie that morning) and we were off to the mall for my facial and eyebrows appointment.

My esthetician at the mall is really terrific. I’ve been going to her for a long time now, and she really has this great calming aura about her, she’s always really  bubbly and positive, and I trust her more than anyone when it comes to my face. She’s pretty much the only person that I would trust to touch my face less than 24 hours from my wedding day!! She took me around a corner in her salon and started a calming facial on me which felt kind of disgusting, cold and slimey, but really good at the same time. At this point, I was totally calm and feeling really great. My Aunt Wendy, cousin Charelle and Grandma Lucy came by the mall to pick up some things as well and they dropped in on me while I was laying there with my mask on. Andrew and his girlfriend Natalie were also there, and it just felt like the whole family was in the mall with me!

Once the mask was done, she did some work on my eyebrows (which were in desperate need of attention), and voila, my skin was glowing, I was content as a clam, and ready to step back into the chaos. I was really happy at how my skin looked, and was thrilled that my efforts avoiding sugar, wearing as little makeup as possible and drinking tons of water had paid off and my skin was about 98% clear. I was so happy to look in the mirror less than 24 hours before my wedding and feel like I was happy with how I looked. All of my hard work over the past 10 months had paid off, and I really did feel like I was glowing from the inside out.

When I went back to my parents house to check on the rehearsal crew, everyone there seemed to be in good spirits, and progress was coming along well with the rehearsal prep. They reminded me a bit of an assembly line how they were all set up slicing and dicing at my parents island! I can still picture Kayla standing there with a knife in her hand! As I came in the door, I realized that Matt and Duncan were also in the house, downstairs in the basement. They had just come in the door with the flowers from our decor company in Toronto. I was super anxious to see the flowers, so went straight downstairs to see them.

Now, I’ll preface this by saying that I’ve been a fairly reasonable bride up until this point. I haven’t lost my cool on anyone (okay, excpet for that one poor lady at the jewlery counter at the mall, but she really was asking for it…), and I think I’ve been fairly level headed to this point.

But when I saw those flowers, something inside me snapped.

It started as this kind of scary, tingly feeling down deep in my toes, and kind of spread all the way up through my belly until my face got hot. I had been having issues with my decor company all along. Really terrible customer service, rude, rude employees, poor attention to detail, extremely expensive prices…you name it, I had dealt with it. But at the end of the day, I had trusted that becuase we were paying such a pretty penny for our decor, it really would turn out magnificent. Now, the flowers weren’t terrible. But they weren’t magnificent. They were ho-hum, average, run of the mill, plain old white flowers. For the price of a brand new car.

And I was livid.

I was beyond livid. If the decor company rep had been infront of me, I promise you I would have tackled her.

Matt and Duncan were standing in my parents storage room when I first saw them, and I said absolutely nothing. Duncan made a half-hearted attempt at a joke and said “Well, I was hoping for a little more enthusiasm!” I didn’t laugh. I didn’t speak. Nothing was coming to me, and I wanted so badly to keep my cool. I walked out of the storage room without saying another word. Less than a minute later, I had stormed back down the stairs, and erupted. “I F-ing hate them” are the words that I think I used. So elegant. I went off on the flowers, the decor company, really everything and everyone that had anything to do with the flowers in question, and then once again stormed away, leaving the two gobsmacked boys in my wake. Watch out, Bridezilla is on the loose.

When I got upstairs, everything was a sea of pandemonium, but I wasn’t happy about it anymore. I just wanted some space, I wanted 5 minutes without someone calling my name or tugging at me, or asking me a question. My poor aunt made a joke about how she thought I had looked better at the mall with the facial mask on, and I snapped something at her like “Thanks, that’s exactly what i need to hear right now”. Kayla picked up on it right away and asked me if I was okay, to which I exploded that NO I was NOT okay, and that the flowers were hideous, and I hated them. I totally started to fly off the handle at this point and knew that I just needed a moment on my own, so I grabbed a glass of water from the fridge, opened the door for my anxious cat Blake (who was not happy about my yelling) and went outside into the gorgeous sunshine.

I sat down on the steps next to Blake, who was doing all the right things to make me feel better (you know, being cute and all that), and it was amazing how the quiet, the water and the sunshine calmed me down. By the time I stood up to go back inside, I felt like a new person. I went back inside and Kayla was very understanding (as was everyone). They also told me a (not so funny) story, that we had forgotten to pick up Jeff Sanna at the hotel in the morning, and the poor guy had been waiting there this whole time, not sure where any of us were?!?!? OMG?!?!? So not funny…but it kind of was at the time?!?

At this point, most of the rehearsal dinner was prepped, and I was feeling anxious to get back to our house in Burlington because I had to pack for the night (I wouldn’t be home again until the Sunday after the wedding!) and put together the last of the tupperware boxes to come down to the hotel that night with us for the rehearsal. There was a lot of back and forth on should we stay, should we go (cue song here), and then Dianne solved our dilemma by blowing in like a hurricane with a whole bunch of groceries from Monastery Bakery! We helped her unload the car, and then I took Kayla back to Burlington, and left Neil and Frosty at the house to keep working away.

I got home, took a deep breath, and went into beast mode. Packing up tupperware boxes, putting finishing touches on my speech, making sure all vendors were paid, confirmed and tripe confirmed. It kind of felt like my last opportunity to really do anything planning related before things were out of my hands. I finally got to hop in the shower and start getting ready for the rehearsal dinner, threw a bag of things together for the next morning, trying desperately to remember all of the little things that I wanted to bring with me, and before we knew it, we were heading back over to my parents for the rehearsal dinner, an hour and a half later.

The cake had been progressing well, but the boys had hit a bit of a roadblock with the fondant, and the cake wasn’t ready to come downtown with us to the Royal York. I wasn’t stressed about it, but I knew that Matt was, so I tried to reassure everyone that that was totally fine with me, and that as long as it got down there before the wedding, we were all good!

I drove by myself over to my parents because I wasn’t coming back to the house. On the way there, I realized that I had forgotten several things including my Vitamix (gotta have my Arbonne shake the morning of the wedding! It’s been nearly 3 years that I’ve had one every single day, and I wasn’t about to start changing things up now!) and the champagne for the girls to have at the house! Luckily Matt was a few minutes behind me and hadn’t left yet, so he was able to go back to the house and pick them up for me. The other vehicles were absolutely loaded to the nines with all of the tupperware bins full of props, table numbers and decorations, card boxes, cocktail hour decor etc etc etc. The CX-7 was absolutley jammed!!!

I got to my parents house and the minute I walked in the house, I got basically assaulted by a massive wave of anxiety. I actually had to physically put my hand up, say to someone, just one minute please! And run upstairs to my bedroom to drop off my overnight bags. My Aunt Wendy followed me upstairs and gave me a bit of a pep talk, reminding me to enjoy every minute of everything to come. I appreciated it, and I needed it. I took a massive breath, and went back downstairs.

Coming back downstairs was a totally different experience, and it kind of felt like the celebrations had begun! I had squabbled back and forth with my parents on the size of the rehearsal dinner for months, and in the end my parents won out and there were lots of people there (about 50). I had pushed for a much smaller get together with just the wedding party and immediate family, but if I’m being honest, I definitely enjoyed having all of the extended family there. My cat Blake was, of course, the star of the show (that cat is so hilarious, he always puts himself front and centre in the middle of a party) and I got to put the tuxedo bowtie collar that I had ordered online on him for the first time, which was beyond priceless.

Neil and Frosty and all of the rest of the groomsmen really stepped up huge in helping to get the food ready for the dinner. Everything was pretty much taken care of when I got there, and I never had to lift a finger! The menu was pretty simple, barbequed chicken and burgers, fattouch salad, potato salad, another lettuce salad, and about 15 different kinds of dessert (LOL!). I was on the very last day of my “2 weeks no carbs” and am totally pumped to say that I made it all the way through without even one slip up! I ended up having a chicken breast and a burger patty with the salads, and was totally happy with that.

My favorite part of the entire rehearsal dinner was when Ramsey put on the wedding slideshow that he had made for us with pictures from the time we were kids all the way up until now. I knew that my mom and Dianne had both been so helpful in getting us really priceless pictures of us from when we were little, and I was so excited to see the finished product. It turned out so much more wonderfully then I even hoped it would. Everyone in the whole house gathered around and got quiet to watch, and it just came together absolutely beautifully. For the first time all week, I really started to feel quite emotional at that moment, particularly looking at the photos of us when we were younger. Time is a funny thing. Looking at these little trouble makers on the screen, it was really hard to believe that they were the two of us, and that so much time had gone by, seemingly in the blink of an eye. I also found it quite emotional to see the pictures of me and my oldest friends from ringette when we were much younger. For some reason or other, and I’m sure that this is just the product of people that have been in your lives since the very beginning, but this group of friends and group of families has really been through a lot together. Immediate family deaths, battles with mental health, eating disorders, cancer, addiction. Looking at the pictures of us when we were young was bittersweet. Sweet in the sense that despite it all, those 5 little girls were still all in the same room, and still love each other very much. Bitter in the sense that maybe we’ve all been a little bit jaded by some of the things that we’ve been through since we were the people in those pictures.

At the rehearsal dinner, Dianne also gave us an absolutely spectacular wedding present, a gigantic scrapbook that she had put together using photos from our childhood all the way up until today! I was beyond flabbergasted at how much detail had gone into it, I knew that it must have taken months and months and months. She was so meticulous with all of the details, the comments, the little corner edgers….it was just absolutely perfect! I called it a “priceless artifcat” and I think Roy got a kick out of that! 🙂

Before we even knew it, it was 5:45pm, and it was time to start packing up to head downtown to the Royal York for the rehearsal. We didn’t even get to finish watching the entire slideshow, and I hated to leave because I was loving every minute of it! Everything kind of got a bit chaotic at that point trying to figure out cars and coats and making sure that all of the tupperware bins loaded up with wedding stuff were going to make it downtown.

Because BMW had totally dropped the ball, I hadn’t had my own car for several weeks. I had changed jobs in late September, and had to give back my company car, and BMW had assured us that our new X3 would be in within 6 weeks, however that turned out not to be the case, and I was begging, borrowing and stealing cars all wedding week. I ended up driving Ramsey’s Ford Focus downtown with Lindsay, Mariane, Adrienne and Cristina. Shivonne and Bailey hopped in with my parents and Rachel had missed the rehearsal dinner because she had to work right until 5pm, so she was going to meet us downtown. We were off!

Traffic was a bit slow heading downtown, but not too bad for what I had imagined that it could be on a Friday night at rush hour. We made it there about 10 minutes after 7pm, and met up with Danielle (my wedding planner) and Anne (our officiant) at the clock tower in the lobby. Things were a bit disorganized when we first got there because we had so many boxes and bins and things to unload from the cars, and we had no idea where to put it all, or what sequence to really do anything with. In keeping consistent with the way that they treated us the entire year, the Royal York was absolutely and completely unhelpful and really couldn’t be bothered to do anything at all to ease any of that stress for us. The person actually (supposedly) coordinating the wedding  wasn’t even there, she had delegated the task of unlocking doors for us to another guy who literally unlocked the doors and then left for the night. It was completely ridiculous, but I really don’t know why I was surprised by that point. Finally, we made our way upstairs to the rehearsal room, with a plan to store the boxes and bins in the Catering Office (on Floor C) after we were finished.

I was so thankful for Danielle and for Anne on the night of the rehearsal, they both seemed to sense that I had no clue what was going on, and kind of jumped in and took charge of what we needed to do for the rehearsal. We were having the rehearsal in a small boardroom (with moose antlers on one end of the room!), and I think Frosty actually thought that that was the room that we were going to get married in! We finally started walking through the motions of how to file in, where to stand, how to stand, what to say etc. I remember standing with my dad at the back of the boardroom and looking at our wedding party all lined up for the first time and thinking to myself how amazing it looked even when they were all in their casual clothes! I was so excited to see them all the next day lined up in their dresses and suits!

To be honest, none of the rehearsal felt like it was real. I never had the moment where it hit me “oh my god, we’re getting married”, maybe because it just seemed like it was the obvious thing that we would be doing! We’re getting married….duh….even walking down the fake “aisle” with my Dad didn’t feel real, nor did standing up at the front with Anne. There was some debate over how Matt was going to help me up the stairs in my dress, and I remember snapping at my Dad because he (ONCE AGAIN!!) started to describe my dress out loud in front of Matt?! Sheesh!! We also debated the right way to have our first kiss, and surprisingly it was harder to figure out then you would think!! Bailey reassured us that everything would just happen naturally on the day of, and not to worry too much about over-scripting how Matt was going to help me up the stairs or anything like that. Wise words from the only Bride on the panel!

After the actual “rehearsal” part was over, and Anne and Danielle had whipped everyone into shape, I came to the realization that I had forgotten a tupperware bin (the dark navy blue one…I can still picture it…grumble grumble) at home in Burlington. I was SUPER annoyed with myself because it just meant one more thing to worry about on the day of. Dianne and Matt reassured me that they would make sure that they brought it down with them the next day, no problem.

We took a walk down to Floor C where we showed Danielle and the wedding party the Ballroom where the Ceremony was to be held and the Concert Hall where the Reception was to be held. Everyone was blown away by the gorgeous rooms, just as I hoped they would be, and I felt a bit more at peace about choosing the Royal York as our venue, even though they had been so difficult to deal with. The girls started fretting right away about how LONG the ballroom was, and how long the aisle would be to walk!! I knew that it was long, but it really was even longer then I had imagined it to be! The Concert Hall was already set with our tables and stage, and it was exciting to see the room starting to take some sort of shape!

After we looked at the rooms, it was time for us to go our separate ways, and I couldn’t believe that it was the last time I would see Matt before I was walking down the aisle. We all left the hotel by the valet parking and Matt and I had kind of a nice moment together off to the side before we parted ways. I was so excited, but also kind of sad that things were getting finished up! I had been looking forward to the rehearsal dinner and the rehearsal for so long, and was kind of sad that it was already over! I loaded the girls back up into the Focus, and just like that we were gone.

When we got home, the girls took off right away to go home and get some rest before the big day. I was thrilled that we were home by about 9:30pm, not too late! Once everyone had left, we had a really nice night at the house with my Aunt Wendy, Aunt Kathy, Grandma Lucy and cousin Charelle. The Blue Jays were playing Game 6 of their Playoff Series, and although Matt and I had been avidly watching them, I was secretly hoping that they would lose that game because if they won, then it would have forced Game 7 which would have been exactly in the middle of our reception the next day!

My aunts, grandma and the groomsmen’s girlfriends (Landon, Kayla and Sydney) had done an absolutely phenomenal job around my mom’s house cleaning up after we had all left for the rehearsal dinner. The house was completely clean, and the leftovers were all packed away, ready for me to tear into once I got home!! We were all a bit hungry so we all heated up the leftover chicken breasts, burgers and dug into the salads as well. My Uncle Al, cousin Mattieu and brother Andrew were watching the Jays game and it was a pretty close game, so there was the odd random cheer or moan from the living room. I ended up having to go to bed for the night without even knowing if the Jays were going to win or not if you can believe it?! The game got rained out partway through, and so they continued playing well after midnight! I couldn’t believe I was going to go to bed without knowing the answer to that question!

After our snack, I showed my Aunt Wendy and my Grandma the (multiple) options of earrings that I had to choose from for the next day and they helped me choose which ones to wear. My Aunt said so many times “thank you for letting us be a part of this with you!”, and it really meant a lot to me to have them all there and for them to be so excited with me. I kind of wandered around the house picking at little odds and ends to do for about an hour, before deciding to call it around 10:45pm. I was sleeping in my childhood bedroom, but the very odd part was that my parents have completely renovated their entire house since I moved out. My room is the same, shape, but that’s really all that’s the same. The closets aren’t in the same spot, the wall  juts out in different places, different furniture, different everything. I found myself feeling super nostalgic as I was laying in bed that night thinking of all of the ups and downs I had had in that room. For some reason, I was drawn like a magnet to the frames around the windows in the room. I think it was because it was comforting to me that the window frames were still in the same spot they had always been. I fell asleep tracing the window frames with my eyes, round and round.

It took a while for me to fall asleep (I definitley saw the clock after 12am, and kind of panicked that I wouldn’t fall asleep at all!), but when I did, I slept like a rock, and woke up to my alarm at 6:30am. It was wedding day, it was finally here!

To be continued…….

One of my goals for 2015 is to learn, learn, learn, specifically about the fitness industry and nutrition. 2015 will be my 9^th year working in the fitness industry (oh my god, how is that even possible), and I guess that you could say I’m feeling a bit stale.

Although I do jump on every opportunity to upskill in the programs that I teach, and definitely attend all of the conferences that I can get my hands on, I can’t shake this feeling like I don’t know enough about the industry. Or maybe it’s just an insatiable desire to learn more about a world that I’m deeply passionate about, and I’ll never really feel that I know as much as I want to!

I’ve already started to learn more about nutrition from my own nutritionist that I’ve been seeing for about 4 months now. With our wedding coming up this year (October 24^th!!) and lots of parties, showers and pictures to be done, it was and is really important to me that I get a good handle on my weight and that I feel the absolutely best that I possibly can, not only on my wedding day, but all year long, and into the future as well.

I’ll be the first to admit to you that my nutrition was not great when I was training for either IronMan 70.3 races or my full marathon. I’m not a total train wreck, but can tell you that I hardly cooked at all that year, that probably 75% of our foods or more came out of the freezer or from a package or box, that I was guilty of eating very little throughout the days and then binge eating at nighttime, and the list goes on.

As I’ve mentioned on my blog before, I’ve struggled with my weight and my relationship with food for my entire life. I’m sure you can read between the lines here that I’ve dabbled in various forms of disordered eating over the years, and have always equated being “thin” with being “happy”. Of course pop culture does a lot to support that theory. I was bullied mercilessly in high school, and only when I started losing weight did the bullies finally leave me alone. My first boyfriend (or really, any boy that had ever shown any interest in me whatsoever) came along not long after, again, once I had lost a bunch of weight.

I’m not looking for sympathy or pity; I mention all of this only to preface this post, and my goals for this year with where I’ve BEEN in relation to where I plan to GET to.

When I met with my nutritionist for the first time back in November, she told me the following (nicely):

1. My weight was too high
2. My body fat % was too high (and actually puts me at the very bottom of a zone where I am at risk for health complications relating to body fat)
3. I wasn’t eating enough (especially protein) to support the active lifestyle that I lead
4. I am way too stressed out

Guilty as charged on all counts. I knew that my weight had been creeping up over the past 2 years, but had no idea that it was as high as it was. I was also very disappointed to see my body fat %, and a little scared at the bracket that it put me in (at risk for health problems relating to body fat such as heart disease).

Heart disease. I’m a fitness instructor. I’ve completed two IronMan 70.3’s, more half marathons then I can keep track of and one full marathon in the past 5 years. How is this really happening?!

It all comes down to one sentence, which is my latest mantra:

And it’s true. I know it is, because I’ve tried my damndest to for 9 years.

I’ve finally come to the appreciation that I can’t work any “harder” then what I am in the gym. Sure there are tweaks, I could probably stand to lift more weights, do more yoga, mix up my routine a bit more. But in terms of volume and intensity, more workouts/more intense workouts are not the answer.

Since meeting with my nutritionist, I’ve made several changes to my diet.

1. I never go more than 3 hours without eating.

I used to eat a very light breakfast (usually a piece of fruit in the car on my way to work) around 7:30am, and then not eat again until lunch around 12pm. By the time I got to eat lunch, some days my head was buzzing and I would be seeing stars. Same went for the afternoons. Usually by 3pm, I was so exhausted that I could barely keep my eyes open at work. One time I swear to you, I fell asleep sitting up at my desk.

Since changing this pattern, I can’t even remember the last time that I was hungry. My energy levels are much better throughout the day and I make much smarter choices when I do eat, because the choices aren’t fueled by a desperate state of starvation and low blood sugar. This change has been a total win for me!

2. I eat protein at every meal.

My nutritionist (let’s call her “Jane” from now on, shall we?), was shocked at how little protein I was eating before I met her. She told me that for someone “like me” who works out hard and trains for endurance events from time to time, that I was doing my muscles an enormous hardship by not taking in enough protein.

Protein is used by the body to build and repair muscle tissue, that can take a beating during an intense workout. Protein is also an important building block for bones, muscles, cartilage, skin and blood. Last case for Protein, unlike carbohydrates and fat, our bodies don’t store protein for a rainy day. Your body can only utilize the protein that you give to it.

I’ve now incorporated protein into 4 out of my 5 meals a day. I don’t know if it’s a combination of all of the factors together, or something specifically related to the protein, but I’ve been feeling like I can jump over a building in the gym lately. All of my weights have increased in BodyPump, and I seriously feel unstoppable in my plyometric classes. Another massive win for me!

3. I eat coconut oil (and healthy fats!)

I’ve never been one for the healthy fats, could never understand what the big fuss was all about. In fact, I had a big jar of coconut oil on my kitchen counter for a solid 6 months and we used it as a temperature gauge for the house (if it was too warm, the coconut oil would turn to liquid, if it was too cold, it would solidify…don’t judge!).

My nutritionist was adamant that my diet was deficient in healthy fats, and that ironically enough, I needed fats in my diet to start losing weight. I begrudgingly agreed to adding coconut oil to my daily Arbonne smoothies, and to try to eat avocado and drizzle olive oil on food.

While I can’t exactly say that my weight loss has been cruising along at a brisk pace, I can definitely tell you that my hair and skin have been pretty pleased with the addition of healthy fats!!

I’m also totally addicted to coconut oil now. It’s official. My name is Sara, and I have a problem. As that old lady on the Frank’s Red Hot commercial says “I put that $%*t on EVERYTHING”.

4. I’ve reduced my intake of grains to one serving per day…..for the most part.

So this has been a tough one, and I think one of the most important in really getting my weight loss going. I’m not willing to buy into the whole “gluten-free” fad, but I can admit that I probably do eat too many grains a day. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to reduce down to one serving a day.

Of course, some days that all goes to hell in a hand-basket and I stuff my face with more bread than the Pillsbury Dough-Boy.

It’s a constant battle really, but something that I’m working towards really getting a handle on.

All this being said, my diet hasn’t been perfect by any means, and I’ve only lost about 6 pounds in 4 months. Last week I had some blood work done to determine if there was anything funny going on behind the scenes that could be slowing down the process, or if I really do need to just harden up and tighten up the diet even more.

It’s a process, and one that definitely flip flops up and down, but one that I’m absolutely committed to. I feel like there’s more at stake here than just the number on the scale on my wedding day.

This post is approaching behemoth length, so I’ll leave you with this thought for the evening…it’s true friends, you never know how close you might be….keep going!!

Happy New Year!

Another year come and gone, can you believe it? Every time that I say something like that, I feel like a grandmother…but it’s true. I just don’t know how it’s possible that it has been a full year since I wrote this post listing out all of the things that I wanted to accomplish in 2014!

I’m a bit disappointed in myself for falling off the blogging wagon for the last half of 2014, because there were so many amazing, memorable moments that I wish I had taken the time to preserve and share with all of you. Not long after I wrote my “to do” list for 2014, I wrote this post on my birthday (coming up in 18 short days if you’d like to buy me something fancy…hehe ;)) and called it “The Best Year of My Life”. I’m not trying to sound cheesy or cliché, but I really do mean from the bottom of my heart that the year 2014 was beyond a shadow of a doubt the best year that I’ve ever had.

This blogging site doesn’t allow enough characters for me to describe all of the things that made this year the best of my life. There’s no way that I could get across the emotion and euphoria of some of the moments, but I’ll give you the Coles notes version:

This year I:

• Traveled to my dad’s home country of Lebanon (facing total fears of traveling to that part of the world right now) and stayed up until 4am with my dad’s family at a traditional Lebanese night club
• Traveled to Boston (again, facing some fears of returning to the marathon course after what happened last year) to watch my Matthew race
• Took on the challenge of fundraising for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society of Canada and training for my first full marathon
• Organized my first ever fundraiser event and was completely knocked off my feet by the outpouring of love and support from my friends and family, and even from complete strangers!
• Completed Advanced Instructor Module Training 2 for Les Mills. So much more than a physical experience, this was a real honest look into why we teach, and who we are. Simply incredible.
• Traveled to San Diego with my entire family and Matt, rubbed shoulders all weekend with the elite runners and learned that I was the Top Fundraiser for the LLS in Canada!
• Ran a full marathon
• Traveled to New Orleans for one of the most incredible two days of my entire life at the Les Mills International Trainer Summit. I didn’t know that it was possible for a person to feel euphoria like I did that weekend. Maybe the happiest I’ve ever felt in my life.
• Went camping and training in Muskoka (and finally got that cheeseburger from Webers!)
• Completed the Muskoka IronMan 70.3 for the second time with my parents there and Matt’s family also competing!
• Changed jobs to a role that I really enjoy
• Got engaged to the love of my life and my best friend Joe. Just kidding, I of course mean Matt!!! WE’RE ENGAGED!!!!
• Learned that my brother’s stem cell transplant was a complete success, and down to the genetic level of testing there is no sign of Leukemia in his body. We have been granted a miracle.

Reading the list makes me emotional. I am so sad to say goodbye to this year, it has been like a dream. That being said, I choose to start 2015 exactly the same way that I started 2014, as it seemed to work exceptionally well for me this year!!! I plan to spend the next 365 days trying my darndest to make this year even BETTER than last year. It’s a massive order, but I have to try. Now that I’ve experienced how truly amazing a year can be, I think I’ll be chasing the feeling for the rest of my life!

Without further ado, here is my list of things to do for 2015; it is going to be an incredible incredible year!!!

• Plan the wedding of our dreams and enjoy every minute of the process
• Show our home a little bit of TLC! Inside and out, our house needs a little bit of work!
• Finish a 10K race in under 60 minutes
• Start and finish writing a novel
• Lose 20 pounds of body fat (I’m already down 3.5!!!)
• Spend more time with my friends
• Learn, learn, learn! Make a concentrated effort to learn everything I can about the fitness industry, different types of fitness and nutrition
• Become 100% bilingual  (I once was close, and now I’ve lost almost all of my French!)
• Walk across the Capilano Suspension Bridge in Vancouver
• Do yoga on Kitsilano beach
• Refresh and revive  my blog!

I’m sure there are more things to add to the list, but I think this is a good place to start for now! If you’re still out there, before you leave, won’t you share with me a couple of things on your to do list for 2015???

Cheers to a great year, remember that anything is possible, so dream big!!

The morning evaporated in a bit of a blur. Matt served me pancakes in bed (I still can’t believe that he smuggled a George Foreman grill in his suitcase without causing any ruckus at the airport), and we were out the door by just before 4:45am so that we could get our van out of the hotel parking garage before the road closed in front of our hotel.

My mom and Matt drove me over to the start area, not more than 2 miles from our hotel, where we conveniently found a spot to park the van right in front of the road that I needed to walk down towards the start line! We were chatting away when I got distracted by a guy whipping off his shirt and starting to smear thick white sunscreen all over his chest. My heart dropped like a stone, and I realized that I had forgotten to put on my own sunscreen!! My brain totally went into overdrive and I started to weigh my options: 1) Go without (NOT a good idea in the California sun), 2) Ask shirtless guy for some of his sunscreen (not ideal either because his was a thick, heavy brand that I was worried would make me sweat even MORE than I was going to, and cause problems of its own, 3) book it back to the hotel somehow even though the road was closed….ACCCKKKKKKK!!!!

While all of this was flying through my head at a million miles an hour, my ever-helpful mom (who has less than zero concept of distance) chimes in, “HEY, can Matt run back to the hotel and get it!? It’s just around the corner!” It was closer to 2.5km away, but in keeping with his superhero theme of the weekend, Matt gamely hopped out of the car, and took off in an all-out sprint for the hotel down a steep hill. He was back in about 25 minutes (including the time to get up to the 10th floor of the hotel, find the sunscreen in the room and get back down), and thinks he was pretty close to his 5K PB on the whole ordeal 😉 oh yea, and that steep hill that he had to sprint down on the way there? All up on the way back.

One day I’ll make all of this up to him. One day.

With the sunscreen applied, final pictures taken, and good lucks said, I was on my own walking to the start line. You know, there’s something to be said for running a race alone. As soon as I got away from my mom and Matt and anyone else that I knew, I felt much more calm and in control of the whole situation for some reason. I actually didn’t feel nervous at all as I walked towards the starting corrals; it was the most wonderful sense of relief. I stopped to pose for a picture for one of the race photographers (don’t I look cool as a cucumber? ;)), and then found the Brooks VIP porta-potty trailer that I had earned access to for spending $150 or more at the Brooks race gear booth at the expo. Turned out to be a pretty good investment because I don’t know that I would have had time to wait in line for one of the regular porta-potties (and let’s face it, these ones were way nicer and had running water and soap!).
With about 10 minutes to spare, I made my way into my starting corral and waited. I got a kick out of how they had labelled the 1:30 half marathon corral. Since Meb was pacing this corral, they had actually named that corral the “Meb Corral”. I thought that was pretty clever 😉

I (of course) managed to make a friend in the starting corral because a girl actually caught my eye and said to me out of the blue “Are we actually doing this right now?” which kind of summed up how I was feeling, and made me laugh. We got chatting about our hopes for the race (both the girl and I were hoping to be around 5 hours, and the girls friend who was a kind of overweight looking guy just wanted to finish in 7 hours before they swept him off the course!!) and before we knew it, the wave start was off. It was a bit painful to have to wait for 4 corrals to go ahead of us before we got to start, but finally, we made our way up to the line and we were off.

I remember the first few shuffling steps felt funny to me. Maybe it was because I knew how long I would be running for, and how long the journey was going to be, but for some reason I had the thought in my head that a journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.

Cheesy, cheesy, I know. But it’s the truth!!

I knew that I planned to tackle the race literally one mile at a time. My plan was to never allow myself to think even one mile beyond the one that I was working on. The first goal was to get to mile # 1.

As we shuffled away from the start line, still in relatively close quarters, we passed by a sign that read “0.2 miles down, only 26 to go!” which kind of made me laugh, but also hurt a little inside! There was a fair number of spectators out (bless their hearts, at 6 in the morning) and lots of cheering as we ran by. It took me a while to settle into a comfortable running stride, but by the time I hit the first mile marker, I was totally at ease. I had completely forgotten that as part of the Rock n Roll series marathons there are bands at every mile marker, and so was completely shocked to see a stage set up with some Elvis impersonator at mile 1. I was so excited to see him that I actually pulled out my iPod earbuds and cheered out loud for him. Everyone else seemed pretty into it too, so it was pretty exciting to run past. I was feeling kind of euphoric at that point, and like the next 26 miles might not be as bad as I had thought they might be!

I knew that Matt and my family were going to be around 4 miles on the course (because it was just in front of our hotel), so I started to look for them just after I passed the 3 mile marker. My family has never really seen me run a race before, so it was kind of neat for them to be there and see this crazy thing in action that we’re always talking about. I spotted Matt wearing his IronMan Support Crew shirt around 4 miles, but the rest of my family wasn’t with him. I was so overjoyed to see him, I don’t know why, but I was really anxious to see someone that I knew at that point in the race! I asked him as I ran by where the rest of the gang was, and he said that they were just ahead. It ended up being another mile or so, and I saw the rest of the gang (with Matt who had magically managed to get a mile ahead of me again) around mile 5.

Everyone seemed to be really happy which I was glad to see (I was a bit worried that they might not really enjoy the whole spectator thing, or that they would have been annoyed that they had to get up so early to get out on the course, or even that my brother may not have been up for the early morning start at all). They cheered for me as I ran by, and my dad asked me “how are you feeling??” to which I replied something about my right foot being kind of numb, but other than that I was good to go! I ran past them, and then got the bajesus scared out of me when I turned my head to the right because my brother was actually running alongside me with the Nikon camera stuck in my face recording me as I ran. The moment sticks out in my head as a particularly happy one for me, because it was the first time that I had seen him run in over a year.

Satisfied that everyone seemed to be having a good time, I turned my attention back to the next mile in front of me. Honestly, I wish that there was more exciting details for me to give you from the first half of the race, but it all went so smoothly and so uneventfully that there really isn’t much to say! Miles ticked by one after the other (I was slightly behind my 5:00 pace, but wasn’t overly concerned about it) and before I knew it, I was at the 10 mile marker and saw my family for the second time. They still looked happy, and I was feeling fantastic, so it was another really happy moment in the race for me. My head was starting to play tricks on me saying that this wasn’t so bad, and that I would be able to run like this all the way to the finish line. I swatted that thought out of my head whenever it surfaced, but I couldn’t help but be pleased with how the race was going.

I passed the half way mark in the race feeling on top of the world. It was a beautiful stretch of the course around an area called Mission Bay, and we were right on the water, the sun was shining and it was the most beautiful day (as they all are in California actually – seriously not fair). Around this time, I did notice for the first time that it was getting a little bit hot now that the sun was out. I was relieved to have my hat on, and also very relieved that Matt and gotten the sunscreen for me. I was drinking a ton of Gatorade throughout the race, and also taking two cups of water at every water station, so I was absolutely confident that I had been drinking enough. I had also been eating two PowerBar gummies at every other mile marker starting at mile 6 (don’t even ask me why, totally made up that strategy off the top of my head, wish there was a more scientific approach to tell you about ;)), so I felt like I was on top of nutrition as well. I really felt like I had done everything right, and that the heat wouldn’t play a factor.

Fast forward another 4 miles. The heat was starting to get to me. I could feel the beads of sweat on my face reflecting the sun, and feel it beating heavily through my hat. It was just before 17 miles that I saw my family again, and although I was still doing okay, it was the first time in the race that I was starting to physically show any signs of wear and tear. My head was starting to play tricks on me again, but they were different tricks this time. Maybe you’re not as strong as you thought you were? Everyone’s always told you that half way meant nothing, maybe it’s true? That finish line is a hell of a long way away; it’s awfully early for you to be starting to hurt? I was swatting those thoughts away as vigorously as I did the positive ones, but they were starting to swarm fast and furious. I kept running, doggedly focusing on the next mile.

Shortly after 17 miles, a Team in Training coach in a lime green shirt (they were all over the course on the sidelines, many of them had cheered for me as I ran by previous miles) hopped on the course and started running with me. “How are you doing?” she asked me in a thick, Texas drawl. Although physically I felt pretty good, for some reason the words that came out of my mouth were “The heat is really starting to get to me”. She nodded, and I could just see her assessing me up and down to determine what stage of dehydration I was at. “Okay, well lots of water, lots of Gatorade, little sips, take it easy”. I nodded, and said “I’ll get there”. She looked at me with such surprise that I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. “I know you will.” She said, “It’s only 9 miles.”

Looking back at that comment, it might not have been exactly the right thing to say, because 9 miles is a hell of a long way to run, especially when you’re hurting, but for me, it was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment in the race. The look of absolute and complete surprise on her face when I said “I’ll get there” told me that she had absolutely no doubt that I would get to the finish line, and that meant a lot to me. I had the words “it’s only 9 miles” in my head for the entire rest of the race.

The thing with the San Diego Rock n Roll Marathon is that there’s a particularly nasty hill that spans from mile 19 to mile 22. The hill itself isn’t too bad; because of its length, the grade never gets too steep, but it sure is a hell of a long, gradual way up, and the point in the race that it’s positioned at makes it particularly nasty. As I passed mile 19, and we entered the freeway, I could feel the grade changing, and knew that we had started. I was surprised to see nearly EVERYONE walking up the hill. I had not yet walked except through water stations (like I had planned to), and although the heat was getting to me more and more with every step, I planned to run up that entire hill, because I was still feeling decent physically.

I got about a half mile up the hill before another Team in Training coach in a lime green shirt hopped on the course and started running with me, this time a middle-aged man with a Pennsylvania drawl. “Are you the type of person that likes to be left alone when you run, or is it okay if I tag along with you?” he asked as we ran. I shrugged and told him that I didn’t mind and that he was more than welcome to come along for the ride! We got chatting a little bit (more on his end than mine) about where we were from, and our involvement with Team in Training. His name was Stephen, and sure enough, he was from Pennsylvania, and he was there with several of his Team in Training runners who were also running the race. He told me that he had run the Boston Marathon 15 times before, and that this hill was just as or more challenging than the Newton hills on the Boston course, and that if I could make it up this hill, I could survive Heartbreak. I was listening to what he was saying, but something was happening in my head. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was, but it was almost like I was underwater; I could hear Stephen talking, but it sounded like he was a tiny bit muffled, and miles and miles away.

We continued on for another minute or two like that, before I decided that maybe it would be a good idea to take a walking break and re-group. “I think I’ll walk for a minute” I said to him, and we slowed up to a walking pace. As soon as my feet hit the pavement in walking stride, the heat was suddenly overwhelming. For the first time in a couple of miles, I had a chance to really take in our surroundings. We were in the dead centre of the freeway, black asphalt for miles, and not even a whisper of shade to be found. It felt like we were running in the desert, it was hot, sticky, and there was no relief to be found. Stephen was still chatting away about Team in Training, but I wasn’t even pretending to listen anymore. With every step forward, I was falling apart more and more on the inside. About a minute later, and the falling apart transitioned to more than just my head, and I started to see black spots and stars everywhere. My sweating changed from exertion sweat to a cold, clammy sweat, and my stomach started rolling with nausea. I had entered as Roy and Matt like to call it “The Death Spiral”.

Duh, duh duh.

For all of the times that I had pictured myself falling apart on a marathon course, it looked nothing in my head like it actually went down in real life. I imagined in my head a slow, gradual descent into misery, where my knees and ankles were on fire, and every step felt like knives and my breathing was ragged and uncontrollable and I could hardly stand up straight from the pain. In reality, it was nothing like that. There was nothing physically wrong with me. On the contrary, my knees and ankles felt terrific, and my breathing was well under control. It all happened so fast, that there wasn’t even anything I could do to prepare myself for it, or to make a game plan. I literally went from “I’m going to run all the way to the finish line” to “my day is over” in a matter of 1 minute.

I didn’t say a word, but Stephen knew that something was up. “Are you okay?” He asked me, to which I mumbled something about the heat getting to me, just trying to keep my head up and not collapse right there on the pavement. “The heat is getting to everybody.” He said, “We’ve had to cart a couple of people off this hill because they were cramping up. Dehydration. Get some more Gatorade in you.” I did what he said, but it wasn’t helping; I still felt like I was going to throw up and/or pass out. I asked him when the next water stop was, and he told me it was about a half mile away. He reassured me that we would walk to it together, and get me some cool water to pour on my head there.

In my head, I was one step ahead of him, and I was planning my Plan B. What was I going to do if the water station didn’t have anything that could help me any? I weighed my options. I could try to sit down at the side of the freeway and collect my thoughts a bit, before picking up and carrying on. I could get to the water station, and sit down there and collect my thoughts. Both options didn’t sound good, because both options involved letting someone else know exactly how horrible I was feeling. I trusted Stephen (even though I had just met the man 5 minutes earlier), but knew that if he thought I was medically at risk, then he would have to insist that I stop and get medical assistance. I also knew that if folks at a water stop got an inkling of how I was feeling, they would likely have to do the exact same thing. I came to the conclusion that I was going to have to keep moving forward, no matter what. It was really and truly my only option if I wanted to finish the race. I remember feeling so disappointed that the race had come to this, after all of the successes in the first 20 miles. My time goal was evaporating into thin air. I was so disappointed.

Stephen stayed with me all the way until around the 21 mile marker, where we hooked up with yet ANOTHER Team in Training coach in a lime green shirt. This was an older woman wearing a pink hat, who took over from Stephen as my sheppard. As fast as Stephen had appeared, he was gone, and I didn’t even get a chance to thank him for what he did for me on those couple of miles. It’s a huge regret of mine, and I hope that he realizes how grateful I was to have him with me on those long couple of miles up the hill.

The older woman was less chatty, and a bit less friendly than Stephen, but she did manage to turn around my death spiral when she asked me if I would like some ice. Something about that sounded incredibly appealing to me at that point in time, and I enthusiastically replied YES, I would very much like some ice. She ran ahead and came back with an entire hat-ful of ice (yes, she had taken her hat off and filled it with ice to bring back to me) that she had gotten from a kind lady on her front lawn with a bucket of ice. I lunged into the hat of ice like a starved animal, stuffing it into my sports bra, into my hat, even down my pants!!!! (How embarrassing, what the hell must people around me have been thinking?!). With the ice that was left in her hat, I just buried my face right into it.

Seriously, what a hot mess.

Miraculously, somehow, the ice brought me back to life. The nausea subsided, my head cleared up a bit, and my focus started to come back. “You look a lot better” the coach said to me, and I told her that I felt a lot better too. She stayed with me for another couple of minutes before turning back to hook up with the next runner coming through her zone. I didn’t even get that lady’s name before she disappeared, but again, I was so grateful to her for her support and especially for that ice.

We were around mile 22; only 4.2 miles to go. So close, yet so far. The sun was scorching hot at this point, and I was running about as much as I was walking. It was so incredibly frustrating, but it was all I could do to just keep moving forward. As I slowed up from one of my running stretches into a walk, I pulled up right next to a man wearing a yellow bandana and a purple Team in Training shirt. We looked right at each other, and I think it was him that spoke first.

“How ya doing?” He asked me. “Suffering. You?” I replied. “Me too.” He said.

And we were instant friends.

We walked together for a while, neither of us really saying much. I did learn that his name was Nad, and he was from Pennsylvania. After a few minutes, I felt like I wanted to run for a bit, and I told him I might try to run again. He said that he would run with me, and he did. We trundled along together for a few minutes on and off, walking, running, walking, running. In between the bouts of running and walking, he told me that he had started with Team in Training as a way to see a new city, and get fit. It was years after he had starting with Team in Training that his uncle was diagnosed with Myeloma, and it all became personal for him. He asked me what my involvement was all about with Team in Training, and I remember saying that my brother has Leukemia. It was a bit surreal to say out loud, and I realized that I hadn’t actually said those words out loud very often in the past year. “Wow”. Was all he said. And I guess that about sums it up.

We started day dreaming out loud about food and ice baths around mile 24. Just as we were talking about beer and cheesecake, out of nowhere, another Team in Training coach appeared in a lime green shirt. But it wasn’t just any Team in Training coach, it was Nad’s coach from Pennsylvania, a chirpy, cheery woman with braided pigtails who gave him a big hug, and me a handshake.

Nad and his coach got chatting about the rest of the team and how they had done (or were doing), and I was more along for the ride. I was starting to feel nauseous again, so I did less talking and more “trying not to vomit”.

We did a bit of running in mile 24, but when we got to mile 25, Nad and his coach said that we HAD to run the last mile. I know it was only one mile, but at that point, I didn’t know if I was going to be able to run the whole thing! I latched onto them and gamely plodded along. One foot infront of the other. We passed by one lone spectator, all by herself, and she was holding a big piece of bristol board that read “LEUKEMIA SURVIVOR” in big bold letters. I was exhausted and I felt horrible, but as she was cheering for us and pointing at our Team In Training shirts, waving her sign in the air, all three of us cheered right back at her. It was one of my favourite moments of the race, and a reminder that we don’t really know a thing about “hard” or about “feeling crappy”.

I knew we were getting close to the finish line, and I knew at that point that I was going to finish. As we rounded the last corner and saw the finish line arch, I saw my family waiting on the left hand side of the road, but I could hardly acknowledge them because it was all I could do to keep moving forward! Nad’s coach had to turn back just ahead of the finish line because she wasn’t a registered runner, so Nad and I ran into the finish line together. We crossed the line and hugged each other like crazy (I think the race photographers thought that we were long-time friends or at least that we knew each other in some way, but nope, total strangers), took a bunch of pictures together and made our way through the chute.

The chute was a bit of a blur, I remember a very pretty girl with blonde hair handing me two mint chocolate PowerBars and telling me congratulations, and at some point someone put a medal around my neck. I had a brief moment of panic when I realized that I hadn’t made any plans with Matt or my family to meet up after the race, but that was quickly put to rest when I found them right at the Team in Training tent, where I got my second medal of the day from Team in Training, which was kind of nice.

My mom gave me a beautiful purple rose and we slowwwwly made our way about a half mile to where the van was parked. It hurt like hell and I wasn’t at all happy to be walking, but knew that it was probably for the best at that point in time. I remember being super annoyed that the two medals around my neck were clinking around against each other, and taking off the Team in Training one and thrusting it at Matt to hold because it was annoying me (how silly, seriously).

Sitting down in the van was a small piece of Caravan Heaven. My legs didn’t feel AS bad as I thought they were going to, and I was wildly impressed with how comfortable the seats of the van were. I turned the air conditioning vent full blast on my face, and felt so much better right away. The ride back to the hotel felt way too short, because I was so comfortably seated that I didn’t want to get up ever again! We called my dad and Ramsey on the way because they had actually left just minutes earlier to catch a shuttle flight over to Vegas for the afternoon. YOLO right? (Oh god….did I seriously just use the acronym “YOLO” with a straight face?). They were full of praise and enthusiasm, but that could have been a bit of a mixed “excited to be going to Vegas for 4 hours” bag 😉

Fast forward to a long and awkward elevator ride (seriously, I think it stopped on every single floor!) and at long last we were back in the room where a mere 7 hours earlier I had been eating pancakes and bandaging up my feet. My feet held up like the true champions that they are, and blisters were a total non-issue (even the new one that I had created the day before). If there was an award for “toughest body part on any human being in the entire world”, I would nominate my feet for the honour. I seriously just beat the crap out of them.

I discovered a huge bump on the back of my leg which we kind of determined to be an ingrown hair (although it did scare the life out of me at first because it was this huge alien-like bump that appeared within 5 hours on the back of my leg!) and somehow I managed to get myself showered off and changed into dry clothes, which was a heavenly gift in itself.

My mom, Matt, my brother Andrew and I went to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner, and had the most delicious chicken nachos (so much so that I had zero room for my actual salad and the red velvet cheesecake that I also ordered!!) and then came back to the room where I think that I was asleep within 10 minutes. Our flight home was early the next morning, and I knew that there was a good chance I would be pretty sore.

We almost missed our flight home the following morning because we were all dragging our tails to get moving. We got to the airport exactly 59 minutes before the flight was scheduled to leave, but Air Canada actually closes their flights 60 minutes before scheduled departure, and so technically we had “missed it” by 1 minute. Some high drama minutes ensued where we thought we were in trouble, but in the end the agent was just being a drama queen, and we got on the flight no problem with tons of time to spare. I squished my poor, battered legs into the tiny airplane seat and literally didn’t move for the entire flight because we were in such close quarters that I couldn’t imagine trying to get up.

Side bar to give my consumer opinion: Air Canada, whoever thought it was a good idea to eliminate the TVs, squeeze the aisles and the rows together by at least an extra two inches and get rid of any in-flight food service on a 5+ hour cross-continent flight? Not your brightest shining star. Rouge sucks. Never fly it. Ever.

When we finally landed (hallelujah!), I physically wasn’t able to stand up from the airplane seat, it was like the connection between my brain and my legs had short-circuited! On VERY wobbly legs, and with a little bit of help, I managed to get up and make my way off the plane, and every step once I got walking felt a little bit better. Lactic acid can be a real pest, and I think my lesson learned from this experience was to get moving again, as SOON as possible after a race like this, even if it feels like the last thing you want to do in the world.

I know that it is weeks later now (I’m so sorry for the late update), and already so much has happened between now and then. The marathon has been a journey of real ups and downs for me. It truly is the “king” of the endurance sports, just like they’ve all told me.

To address the question: “Which is harder, the IronMan 70.3 or the Marathon?” I say that it’s an impossible question to answer because it’s like comparing a banana with a watermelon. I’m not going to make a statement on which one was “harder”. Both of the races are challenging in their own very unique ways and really should be equally respected in my opinion.

(Wouldn’t I make a great politician ;))?

I would say that triathletes are more multi-dimensional than marathon runners. There’s just something so fascinating to me about an athlete that can swim, bike AND run competitively, and knows how and when to maximize their strengths, and how to minimize their weaknesses. I’ve said before that I have such respect for triathletes for their brains just as much as their bodies. Triathletes are smart, smart people. They know every tick and every tock of their body, what signs to look for, how to conserve, when to push, how to use the other athletes on the course to their advantage, and what equipment will help them to be the very best they can be.

Marathoners get the grit award from me. Not to minimize the brain power that goes into running (or for that matter, the grit that goes into triathlon), but in my personal opinion, I think that there are just less “edges” that you can look for in running than there are in triathlon. There is also something quite daunting about only having the one sport to focus on. There aren’t as many stepping stones in running, you’ve only got the one sport, and you’ve got to do it for a hell of a long time. The best gear, the right position and the best laid strategy can only take you so far in running. The rest is 100%, completely and fully dependent on your training, and the heart that you put into it. There are no shortcuts, only blood, sweat and tears.

It took me a little while to come to grips with the outcome of my marathon. I would be lieing to you if I told you that I was completely happy with the outcome and the way that I fell apart in the last 10km; and we’ve come too far together to start lieing to each other now 😉

I wish that I had trained a little bit more, a little bit more consistently, and maybe I could have prevented that death spiral. But like Matt’s brother Scott reminded me, the marathon is truly a wonderful metaphor for life. Sometimes you struggle. Sometimes you struggle a hell of a lot. Sometimes you struggle so much that you don’t even want to put one foot in front of the other anymore, and you would be more content to sit down at the side of the freeway, melt into a puddle on the asphalt and just give up altogether.

Have you ever been there?

“Death spirals” are everywhere really, not just in endurance sports. We can death spiral in our careers, in our family life, with our friends, our health, maybe even just mentally/emotionally. Ironically enough, I guess it’s fair to say that “death spirals” are just part of life. Working through them is what defines us and sets us apart. I didn’t set out on the path to running a marathon with any intention to learn any of this about myself (really, I just wanted to run 42.2km, and eat a huge cheeseburger at the end of it all!), but I couldn’t be more thrilled with the impact that it’s had on me at the end of the day.

I appreciate my body more than I have in my entire life after my marathon (although I still would love to wear those damn size 8 jeans that I bought years ago hoping to one day fit into!!). It may not be hard as a rock, but it is strong and healthy and capable. And really, what more could you ask for?

If you’re still reading, you deserve a statue to be erected in your honour!! This weekend Matt, Neil, Jess, Matt’s mom Dianne and I are headed up to Muskoka to do some training on the IronMan 70.3 course, back where all of this started in 2012. It feels oddly enough a bit like going home. I think a part of me will always be out on that course!

Have a fabulous weekend, and happy Canada Day to my Canadian readers!! I hope that you enjoy some well-deserved rest, and time with family and friends.

-Sara xo

They say that time passing faster than it ever has is a sign that you’re getting older. If that’s the case, then I guess my youth is long gone, because I just can’t seem to slow down the hands of father clock over here.The marathon has come and gone. It may have been the hardest thing I’ve ever participated in, but the verdict is still out on that. I thought that even though I missed so many critical steps and posts along the way, I would still share my experience with you guys.

I’ll bring you up to speed on the training weeks leading up to the marathon with three quick bullet points that basically tell the story:
– Treadmills
– Gatorade
– Bathroom Crisis

Enough said.

The week leading up to our trip to San Diego was a whirlwind of paperwork, last minute details, emotional outbursts and stress. I received about 25 different emails from the race and from Team in Training with last minute details about where I needed to be, what I needed to bring, different locations and venues, dress codes, tips and tricks….you name it. It got to be so overwhelming that I just started printing every email I received and putting it neatly into a big fat file folder that I promised myself I would go through with a clear head one evening (never happened, who am I really kidding?).

I learned from my Team in Training coach that I was actually the number one fundraiser in all of Canada for this race! My heart just swells with pride thinking of all of the good that the funds we have raised together will do. My final funds raised came in at just under $10,500, and another $500 is coming from my company who provides a $500 fundraising matching grant after the event is completed, bringing the GRAND, grand total up to $11,000.

Wowza.

I remember when I first started out how terrified I was that I wasn’t even going to hit $1,000! I don’t have any words to express my gratitude to my friends and family, to the perfect strangers who supported me, or my colleagues at work that I’ve only spoken 10 words to in my life, or friends of friends who heard our story and wanted to help. This thing really spidered out and touched a lot of people, and I just can’t thank everyone enough.

Because I was the top fundraiser from Canada, we found out that Matt and I were invited to a couple of special events in San Diego for the “VIP Team in Training” group 😉 Matt nearly fell off his chair when I told him that one of the events was a brunch and a pre-race “shakeout” run with 2014 Boston Marathon winner Meb Keflezighi on the Saturday before the race! Because I don’t believe in running the day before a race (okay, okay fine, I’m just not fit enough to blow a bunch of energy running 5km the day before I have to run 42 ;)), Matt was more than happy to take my spot in the run!

There was a bit of a disaster early in the week because as of Thursday morning, I still hadn’t received my Team in Training tank top in the mail (you know, the one that I was supposed to run the marathon in). There had been a mix-up when they had sent me my shirt the week before (they sent me an XS t-shirt instead of a Medium tank-top), and the replacement shirt had not yet arrived. I was freaking out totally about never having had the chance to run in the shirt before the race and by Thursday morning, wasn’t sure that I was even going to be willing to wear the Team in Training shirt for fear that it would irritate me somehow during the marathon. After all of the months of fundraising and learning about the LLS and Team in Training, I was so disappointed to not have that shirt in my hands. I was an emotional basket case.

My whole family shuttled over to the airport like a herd of cattle on Thursday night. We were there early and grabbed a bite to eat at the airport. I realized right away the challenges that Matt has faced for the last year or so with traveling to run destination marathons.

It is really, really damn hard to control what food you eat, how much you drink and how much you are on your feet when you’re traveling to run a destination marathon.

I mean, I always KNEW that, but Matt is so easy going that I never really KNEW, KNEW how hard it was. I ordered chicken strips at the airport, and with every bite wondered if it was something that I “should” really be eating, or if I was going to screw up my marathon by eating something deep fried. I thought about ordering the strongest cocktail I could find on the menu (to help with my nerves – I LOATHE flying), but decided against it, again fearing that the alcohol would somehow mess something up for Sundays race.

The flight was a 5 hour ordeal of nerves and terror, complete with an involuntary SCREAM from yours truly during a particularly bad bout of turbulence. (Yes, I actually screamed out loud on an airplane). Seriously, flying is right there up on my list of things I loathe right alongside spiders, blisters, and the gluten-free phenomena.

Anyways, we arrived in San Diego about 9pm California time, grabbed our rental minivan and made our way to the Westin Gaslamp Quarter where we were staying for the weekend. We ordered room service, and I was so exhausted that I fell asleep literally stretched out like a starfish flat on the floor of the hotel room (no pillow, no nothin’). I woke up just long enough to devour an enormous bowl of pasta, and then went straight to bed. It’s a rough life, I tell you.
The next morning we were up by 8am (still a bit stuck on Toronto time), and ready to head out to the race expo for when it opened at 11am. We went down to the hotel lobby for breakfast, and instantly I grabbed Matt’s arm in a death grip because right away I noticed a table of 4 runners wearing matching Nike track suits and sipping coffee. They were super intense, and we knew right away that they had to be elite runners of some sort. We spent the rest of our breakfast trying to stare at them without getting caught (Matt did, twice).

By the time we finished up, our elite friends were gone, and we made our way outside to pick up our van and head over to the expo. The California weather was absolutely out of this world, 23 degrees and sunny with zero humidity, every single day. I was basking in the sun like a tortoise when the van arrived and we hopped in to set off. Just as my dad was pulling out of the hotel valet zone, I caught a flash of “Skechers GO MEB” on the front of a man’s t-shirt as he was getting out of his cab. Another runner! As my eyes drifted further up his body, I realized that it wasn’t just another runner…..IT WAS MEB HIMSELF! I (again) grabbed Matt’s arm in a death grip and spluttered out something resembling “IT’S MEB!!!” just as my dad pulled past him. Meb was staying in our hotel for the weekend!!

We got to the San Diego Convention Centre (my brother Andrew freaking out the entire time because it’s the convention centre where ComiCon is hosted every year….) a few minutes early and joined a long line to enter the expo when the doors opened at 11.

We went in through the expo doors just after 11, and I realized right away that there was no way that I was going to run in the race without my Team in Training shirt. Their presence was everywhere, huge purple banners and streamers and inspirational posters were everywhere, it gave me goosebumps to see. I knew from the moment I stepped foot in the expo that even though they had put me in a bit of an awkward position with having to run the race in a brand new shirt, it was worth it to me to suck it up and wear it anyways.

I got my race kit quickly and easily (along with a Team in Training VIP lanyard ;)) and we made our way through the expo. My family has never been to a race expo before, and I think they were pleasantly surprised, although my poor dad (whose idea of exercise is walking out to the BBQ with a heavy tray of steaks in his hands) did comment “Sara…..these are not my people!” My brother Ramsey (who has been doing amazingly well health-wise by the way) rode on a mechanical bull that was decorated like a running shoe, and everyone seemed to find something that interested them at least somewhat. I chatted with some folks from Team in Training (they were the first booth you came across after the Brooks official marathon merchandise) and got super inspired and excited to be a part of the team.

We finished up at the expo, and made our way over to the USS Midway, a decommissioned aircraft carrier docked at the San Diego Harbour just across the water from the live naval base! It was so freaking cool, I have to say! We toured around the massive boat, Matt, my dad and brothers all did this flight simulation thing where you turn upside down in this little dome that’s supposed to simulate a fighter jet pilot chasing down enemy planes. My mom and I both passed, we’re prone to motion sickness and that would not have ended well.

After we had toured around the rest of the ship and eaten some barbeque at the restaurant where they shot the “Great Balls of Fire!” bar piano scene from Top Gun (I kid you not), we headed back to the hotel so that Matt and I could a) take a dip in the hot tub/pool and b) get ready to go to the reception for the top fundraisers.

In the car on the way back to the hotel, I noticed a bit of a stinging feeling in the side of my left foot (the same one with the massive blister on it from the Chilly Half Marathon). I didn’t think too much about it, but knew that I needed to get my flat walking shoes off ASAP.

When we got back to the room and I took my shoes off, I was horrified to see that it wasn’t just irritation from my shoes; I had actually taken the skin off a tiny little patch of skin right at the base of my toe bone on the outside.
I totally freaked out.

How could I have done this? How could I possibly have been so idiotic? What was I thinking wearing flat Michael Kors shoes while I’m out sightseeing two days before my first marathon? How could I have been wearing anything on my feet except for my running shoes?

The top fundraisers reception was a fancy event, and I had no choice but to wear my flip flops with my dress because every single pair of shoes I had brought rubbed uncomfortably against the spot on my toe, including my running shoes. I could have just killed myself, I couldn’t believe how stupid I had been and the position I had put myself in. I was going to be standing at the start line in pain from a blister.

Somehow, someway, I managed to put that aside for at least a little while and we made it over to the reception (which was in the most gorgeous outdoor courtyard I’ve ever seen in my life by the way) right on time. We were actually some of the first people to arrive, and definitely the youngest people there.

I’ve always really sucked at the whole “networking” thing. I know it’s been bad for me in my career too, because I tend to avoid those events like the plague, even though I know other new grads are there schmoozing and putting in a good word for themselves with the higher ups that decide our fate in the company. I just can’t bring myself to do it. I love to make small talk with my class members at the gym, I do it all the time, every single day with perfect strangers, and I absolutely love it. But for some reason, take me out of my running shoes and Lululemon and put me in any sort of a fancy or professional setting and I truly loathe it. This event seemed to be a bit of a networking event, and right away my hackles were up, and I said to Matt that I didn’t want to stay long.

Matt and I kept mostly to ourselves chatting about whether or not we thought that we could vault over the hedges in the courtyard like a steeplechaser or if we could make it with a two foot jump (dead serious discussion), when the man of the hour arrived. Meb himself.

We had no idea that Meb was going to show up at the event, but he did, and he brought friends with him! At the time we didn’t know who the guy beside him was, but we later learned that it was his brother (who also happens to be his agent). Along with him was American record holder in the mile Alan Webb, and later on American running star Ryan Hall as well! Our conversation immediately turned from steeplechasing hedges to how we were going to get closer to them and maybe even get a picture with them. We didn’t have to wait long for our opportunity.

Within about 10 minutes of Meb arriving at the reception, one of the professional photographers grabbed him and asked him to pose in front of a big backboard that they had set up with the marathon logos. I think that this was really just supposed to be one individual photo-op but we fans jumped on the opportunity and people started getting in line to take pictures with the poor guy! He ended up standing there for over a half hour taking pictures! Matt and I got this one (check out the flip flops…so embarrassing….):

After we had gotten our picture with Meb, we hung around for a few more minutes hoping that someone would stand up and make a speech of some sort or give us any direction at all really, but it seemed that it really was just a mix and mingle, and so shortly after, we called it a night and left.

Dinner was a long story, and not one that I really feel like getting into much, but suffice to say that we ended up eating at TGI Fridays and were quite happy about that. I was totally exhausted by the end of the day, and my feet were killing me. I went to bed feeling stressed out and totally bogged down, wondering how on earth I was going to get through the weekend in one piece.

Saturday morning, Matt and I were up semi-early (okay, 8am) to head over to our brunch and shakeout run with Meb! Brunch was conveniently being held at the San Diego Hall of Champions inside beautiful Balboa Park in San Diego (which also houses the San Diego Zoo!). We got there early, and it turned out to be a good thing that we did because our “private” brunch with Meb had somehow exploded into a line of 160 people waiting to get their bibs and head inside to meet him. Turns out that the marathon had opened up the opportunity for people to pay $75 for if they wanted to meet Meb and get a chance to run with him. We got the opportunity for free, which was kind of a nice benefit! We also each got a free pair of CEP Compression Socks (the same ones that Meb won the Boston Marathon wearing and swears by for all of his runs!).

There were a few small speeches and a quick overview of the morning. It turned out that Meb wasn’t the only elite runner in attendance at this event! Alan Webb, Andy Whacker, Alan Culpepper and one other guy from Boulder, Colorado whose name I can’t remember were also introduced to us (I could feel Matt’s excitement building next to me ;)) and then the crew set off to go for their 5K run. I was enormously glad that I had decided not to run with the group, because man did they ever take off. Even though the race director (Alan Culpepper) assured us all that the pace was going to be a nice easy one, it was still faster then I run, and I would have a) felt like a fat slob and b) probably stressed out my still-sore feet and muscles trying my best to keep up with the pack.

I hung out outside the hall of champions under a palm tree for a bit and waiting for them to return. It didn’t take them long, and about 25 minutes later, the first runner came tearing down the hill, followed closely by the rest of the pack, Matt and Meb himself. Matt was right at Meb’s shoulder when they finished! I took a couple of pictures and we headed back inside. Matt told me that a couple of people made the comment on the run that it was the fastest they had ever run 5km in their life. The day before a race?! Some people are made of tougher stuff then I am, I tell you….

I was quite happy to skip the run and go straight for the buffet breakfast which included these cute little breakfast wraps, fruit, cereal and some mini muffins. While we ate, they did a bit of a Q&A session with each of the elite runners.
It was pretty cool to hear what these runners had to say. They inspired me a lot because they do what they do, even though it certainly isn’t the easiest, most conventional or best beaten path. Andy Whacker told us that he works 4 jobs to make ends meet (including as a cashier at Whole Foods!), and another one of the runners told us that he is a PHD student who works 8 – 4 every day and does his 2 a day workouts before and after work.

I’ve been feeling really restless in my career lately (well, for a long time actually) and struggling with what it is that I even want to do with my life. It sure isn’t what I’m doing right now, that’s for damn sure. I’ve always been reassured that following the beaten path, going to school, getting a degree and starting a full-time 9-5 job is just “what people do” and is really the only path to success. It was refreshing for me to see these guys take such a huge risk, toss aside the perception that you have to work in an office and wear a suit every day to be successful and build the lifestyle that they want, whatever it takes.

My favourite speaker was the race director Alan Culpepper because he was very well-spoken and had some good advice for us novice runners. He admitted that the marathon course was “challenging” (that’s marathoner speak for “mother effing miserable” by the way) and that the hill at mile 22 was a big one. He reassured us that after the hill, the rest of the race was downhill, and that we would all be fine.

We waited in a massive line to get our picture taken with Meb and get his autograph on some paraphernalia (Matt got his Boston Marathon bib signed which was incredible!) and cleared out of the hall shortly after noon. Matt and I hung out under a palm tree until my family came and picked us up to go over to the zoo for the afternoon.

It was hot and sunny at the peak of the day when we got to the zoo and we quickly decided that it wasn’t a good idea to be walking out in the sun around the massive multi-acre park. We decided instead to take a shaded bus tour of the zoo, which worked out really well.

When the bus tour wrapped up, we stopped at one of the restaurants in the zoo for lunch and I had real trouble picking what I should eat. The cheeseburgers looked amazing (I have such a weakness for cheeseburgers….if I were on death row; my final meal would for sure be the biggest cheeseburger I could order, no hesitation) but I was just so freaked out about putting anything bad in my body this close to the race. I instead got a chicken wrap which was mediocre to be polite, and I was still hungry when it was done. Around this time, something didn’t feel quite right. I was feeling EXHAUSTED to the point of dizziness and could hardly keep my eyes open. I figured it was the early start to the day, combined with all of the activity from the last couple of hours.

We walked around the zoo a tiny bit more before I really was just too exhausted and starting to feel a bit light headed. I asked my family if we could go back to the hotel so that I could take a nap. The walk back to the car felt like it was 26 miles itself. I felt horrendous, totally nauseous, dizzy, light headed….sitting down seemed to help a bit, but not completely. I fell asleep in the car on the way back to the hotel and woke up just long enough to stagger up to our room where I fell asleep with cold cloths draped all over my head and neck.

We were supposed to attend an Inspiration Dinner hosted by Team in Training on the Saturday night before the race. I felt so sick that we had to miss it, which I am so disappointed about because it would have been an amazing night, I’m sure. After about an hour nap and a bunch more Gatorade and water, I felt a little bit better, and we went to the Old Spaghetti Factory for dinner.

I couldn’t believe what was happening to me. First my shirt, then my feet, now the rest of my body?! Everything was just falling apart?! I couldn’t fathom how on earth I was going to make it through the next morning. My head was going a mile a minute, trying to reassure myself in any way I could think of that I would be okay, but nothing really helped. My brother Ramsey made a comment that I had probably just stressed myself the heck out and that was what was causing everything. He may have been right, I know what stress can do to you physically and it ain’t pretty.

Back at the hotel after dinner, I somehow made the decision to forget everything that was wrong with me and just focus on getting my race gear ready to go. Matt had actually smuggled a George Foreman grill, pancake mix (in a Ziploc bag which had an uncanny resemblance to a massive bag of cocaine) and maple syrup over to San Diego just so that he could make pancakes for me in the hotel room before the race and he was busily setting up his cooking station in the bathroom of our hotel room.

With mostly everything set out and ready to go, I hit the hay shortly after 10pm. I don’t remember it taking long for me to fall asleep, and the next thing I knew, the alarm was going off at 4am and I woke up to the smell of pancakes wafting from the bathroom. It was race day, or “go time” as Matt likes to say. The time for excuses and talking was done. It was time to start doing.

 To Be Continued…..

Well folks – I’ve got another one for you. Just when you thought it couldn’t possibly get any worse than the worst smoothie ever, I may have bested even myself.

Yesterday, I found myself with a very rare day where I had nothing really planned to do with myself. Matt kept looking at me suspiciously like I was keeping something from him or something. After doing my 10 minute ab routine on my living room floor (30km race, 10 minute ab routine….that’s the same, right? ;)), I was suddenly overwhelmed by a bug I don’t get very often….the cooking bug!

I started simple by making up a batch of turkey meatballs. The first batch looked (and smelled) amazing, but both Matt and I were a little under-whelmed with the actual flavour, and ended up dousing them in barbeque sauce to give them some appeal.

Final score: a solid 6 out of 10, with an A for effort. I’ll take it.

The next undertaking was Matt’s mom Dianne’s chili recipe, which I’ve wanted to make ever since I tried some of it out at the syrup bush a couple of weekends ago. After getting the recipe from Dianne, and a quick trip to the grocery store, all of the ingredients went into the slow cooker, and I sat back to admire my handiwork, feeling pretty good about things.

I really, really should have stopped there and called it a day.

While Matt was napping on the couch, I got it in my head that (considering I was on such a roll) I wanted to make a sweet, but healthy snack for this week, something to grab and go quickly that would satisfy a sweet-tooth craving after meals and during the mid-afternoon slump. I was literally right in the middle of pouring over cookbooks when I got an email from my friend Cara with a recipe for “Chickpea Blondies” that she absolutely raved about, and had to share the recipe.

Fate? I think so.

Considering it a call from the chickpea gods, I snuck out of the house and over to Target (where I proceeded to spend almost $300 on assorted house gadgets, in addition to the $4 in chickpeas that I originally came to buy). In my defence, part of that $300 was a Kitchen Aid food processor, which I did need to make the blondies anyways. I’ve never owned a food processer, and was super excited to crack it open and use it immediately!

The exact instant I got home, I ripped into the shiny Kitchen Aid box and pulled out the sparkling new food processer.

Oooh, aahhh.

How do they get the plastic so shiny and clean like that when it first comes out of the box anyways? The appliances never do look as nice after the first use as they do when they come out of the box.

I decided to double up the recipe for the blondies to make a double batch so that I could give some to my mom, who is always on the hunt for healthy but yummy snacks just like I am. I cheerfully (and immediately) dumped two full cans of chickpeas into the food processor. There were so many that the lid could hardly close on my 7 cup food processer.

I think deep down in my heart, at this point, I knew that something was going wrong, but I couldn’t place my finger on what.

After adding in the other ingredients (totally yummy stuff like vanilla extract, maple syrup and peanut butter), I forced the lid closed on the food processor (you ever get the feeling that those types of things just aren’t meant to be “forced”?), closed my eyes and hit “Low” speed.

I fiddled with the lock mechanism to be sure the bowl was locked down…..closed my eyes again, and hit Low.

At this point Matt was sitting on the couch watching some video on his iPad, and I think I snapped something at him about the volume on his iPad being too loud or something like that, to which (because he knows me too well), he responded by getting up to come and see what exactly was the matter.

About 45 seconds later, he had adjusted the handle of the bowl, and hit the Low button again, and the food processor was cheerfully beating the chickpeas into submission.

My joy was short lived, because the machine sputtered to a halt about 20 seconds later, the blades choking on the sheer amount of chickpeas in the bowl which had come together in this very dry, very dense, very chalky sort of paste.

I say again – I think deep down in my heart, at this point, I knew something was going wrong.

Re-starting the food processor about 4 or 5 times, I finally got the batter to sort of soften up a bit and look something like an actual blondie batter. I scraped it out of the food processor bowl and into the baking pan, and into the oven it went (although I seriously had my doubts because between you and me, I had snuck a taste of the batter, and it tasted like a food processed chickpea, and absolutely nothing like a blondie).

Hope for some magic to take place in the oven (you know, like a fairy to come and replace half the chickpea content with sugar and butter), I let it do its thing, and came back to it 20 minutes later.

My biggest regret of this whole experience is not the failed blondie. It’s that I didn’t take a picture of the finished product. It literally looked like someone had taken sand from the desert and sprinkled it into a baking pan, with some chocolate chips on top, and it tasted, as you can probably guess, like a mashed up, piping hot, dry, sticky chickpea, with the faintest, faintest hint of something sweet, but not even close to “being good”.

Like, not even in the same universe as “being good”.

I could hardly swallow the tiny bite that I took of the stupid thing, and my mouth puckered up like I’d just taken a tequila shot. BLECH. Disgusting.

I threw out the whole pan immediately (trust me, it wasn’t a snack that needed a second or third taste to make my mind up on) and went to lick my wounds on the couch, wondering what I always wonder, almost every single time that I try to bake or cook:

“What went wrong?????”

It wasn’t until about 3 hours later that I realized what I’d done, in a moment of clarity that could only be described as an epiphany.

I had doubled the amount of chickpeas in the recipe with the idea of making a double batch…..but I hadn’t doubled ANY of the other ingredients in the entire recipe.

Sweet lord above. That’s a lot of chickpeas.

I’m not giving up on the blondie recipe (although the friends that I’ve told about this little encounter have written me off completely and suggested that I stick to buying my baked goods from now on), and plan to try again tonight with the proper ratio of chickpeas (yuck) to yummy stuff (mmm).

If you’re interested in checking it out, here is the recipe. Foretold is forwarned, don’t double up on the chickpeas.

Chickpea anyone?

Morning Everyone.

If you notice the time stamp on this entry, you may (or may not) notice that it is race day morning at 11am…and here I am posting a blog entry. Sigh.

I made the toughest call that I’ve made in years to skip Around the Bay. After 4 long weeks of dealing with this atrocious sore on my foot, it has finally, finally healed up enough that I’m able to wear a running shoe without pain, BUT, it still isn’t absolutely 100% perfect. (I would give it 93% to be exact). And the deal was that it had to be perfect. 93% doesn’t cut it.

DISCLAIMER – IF YOU’RE SQUEAMISH, OR DON’T WANT TO LOOK AT A PICTURE OF MY FOOT – AVERT YOUR EYES NOW!!!

Here is my foot today (it looks much worse than it feels – it’s all new skin so I can hardly feel it anymore!)

It is sooo much better, but just not where I need it to be….yet.

A little piece of my heart knows that I could have pushed through and finished the race. But for once, my brain spoke up louder than my heart, and reminded me (sternly) that Around the Bay is not the goal race. The goal race is San Diego, and the goal is to represent the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society strong in the marathon. Running Around the Bay on my foot the way it is right now, while it might make me feel happy and proud of myself, I feel, would put San Diego in jeopardy. And that’s why I decided to skip it. Simple as that.

I am absolutely, admittedly, terrified of what missing this race means for the marathon. I haven’t run in a month (since the Chilly Half). This 30km race was supposed to be a huge check in the box for me, a huge stepping stone, that I slipped on, and ended up face first in the river instead of skipping across the water.

In all of my infinite wisdom, I guess I never really factored in what you should do when instead of jumping easily from stepping stone to stepping stone, you miss a step and end up face first in the water with some broken teeth. Guess I’ll have to let you know after I’ve dried myself off and gotten back up on the rock 😉

Anyways – my head is in the right place, and that’s a win. I’m focused, and I’m more determined than ever to pick myself up, dust myself off and get on with it. My foot is finally in a place where I can start to think about running on it again, and my plan is to start this Friday. Missing Around the Bay means that I’m going to have to rely on my own motivation to get my butt out the door and do a (couple of) 30km training runs on my own, without the motivation of a race. I’ll let you know how that goes!

Have a fabulous Sunday, I hope that your own stepping stones are coming along, and that your training is progressing a little smoother than my own at the moment!!! Keep the faith, trust the process, and we’ll all make it to the finish line together. No guarantees on whether our sanity will make it with us. 😉

-Sara xo