8 weeks + 6 days (9 weeks technically!); we are getting closer to the date that I’ve looked forward to so much for the past 9 weeks: our first ultrasound!
This week, I finally got to go back to my family doctor who sent me for pre-natal bloodwork, and got me setup with the requisition for our first ultra sound. It’s coming up on Thursday March 9th, and I am so anxious and nervous about it. I think that once I hear babe’s little heartbeat, I will be so much more relaxed about things, and feel more able to participate in my life.
Which brings me to some of the struggles this week.
I’ve been having a hard time keeping my head in a good place this week. I am finally, finally feeling mostly better from my run-in with that terrible virus from the past 3 weeks, but my body is still feeling exhausted, sluggish, beat-down. I don’t recognize myself, physically, but also mentally. It isn’t me to come home and sit on the couch for 4 hours, nodding in and out of sleep before trudging up the stairs to bed. It isn’t me to drop the ball at work, and in my online courses, and in my relationships, and at the gym.
I really, honestly feel like my only accomplishment some days is that I get up and make it through the day from start to finish in some form or other.
We are funny creatures aren’t we? All I wanted, so desperately, was to be pregnant (it’s still what I want)….but now that I am, and so grateful for that….you start to realize that nothing is ever quite enough. I do want to be pregnant; I want beautiful kids, and lots of them. I also want to be athletic and powerful and teach 6 classes per week. I also want to be talented and accomplished at work. I also want deep relationships with my friends and family.
As it turns out: I want it all.
I’ve come to the conclusion that the “reason” for the first trimester being so difficult (you know, in addition to the fact that your body is literally manufacturing a tiny human inside of itself) is to start to ease first-time mamas like myself into their new altered universe. A universe where it isn’t all about us anymore; where we care about something else enough that it’s worth temporarily shelving our own hopes and dreams and priorities to be sure that that something else is okay.
SO, onto lighter topics: I’ve been pretty lucky as far as nausea goes! There’s been a little bit, and a bit of aversion to food, but for the most part, it’s not been too bad! I’ve been super into egg and cheese sandwiches this week (seriously, like one a day at least), and everything cold, the colder the better! I went through a brief tomato with olive oil and a little bit of salt phase…but I think that’s on the way out now. I find the cravings too funny! Babe doesn’t seem to be a big eater, because as soon as I eat too much, I start feeling super sick and nauseous. I will need to have a chat with him about that, because mama likes to eat.
I’m almost sure somehow that babe is a boy. That’s based on nothing except my gut intuition; but I would put some good money on it! Time will reveal all! We plan to find out as soon as we possibly can (we’re in for enough surprises along the way me-thinks); so we’ll see if I’m right!
This week coming up is a big one for us: our ultrasound on Thursday, and I’m hoping to start back at the gym in some capacity, if only to teach BodyPump for now. Things will be so much easier to explain once I can be open about what’s going on with me. It’s been so hard to keep things from people. I just hate it.
Well – here’s hoping that we’ll have some amazing ultrasound updates to share in Week 9!
-Sara & Babe xo