13 Weeks

Hello Hello!

The superstitious side of me is happy to report that I am writing this post from the OTHER side of 13 weeks… the good side 😉

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This week has been another good one in terms of how I’ve been feeling – hallelujah! I’m definitely feeling pretty chubby these days, but not looking round / pregnant yet….some of my tighter fitting pants are starting to become really uncomfortable, so I’m definitely transitioning into wearing my “fat pants” more often!

Matt and I cruised around the mall on the weekend and I couldn’t resist popping into Old Navy to check out their maternity clothes…I’ve heard that their stuff is pretty good, and not totally cheesy. I did end up picking up a simple black t-shirt dress and a pretty coral tank top….I just can’t imagine myself with the full on bump! I have a bit of a fear of looking like a frumpy, fat old pregnant lady (NOT what this is all about – I know ;)), so am going to really try to put some thought into how I dress babe and I as I start to grow. More so for how I feel, rather than I how I look, I think.

Cravings / food this week….I’m slowly getting sick of my daily egg wrap / sandwich…. this gal need some different quick ideas for breakfast!! Gah!! I also was loving bagels with herb & garlic cream cheese this week (I think I’m partially in denial here – this is probably just high school Sara coming back out and eating whatever foods I want under the pretense that I’m going to get fat anyways….NOT.GOOD.). On the positive side, I’ve been trying REALLY hard to get more fruits and veggies into my diet, and making some progress. Could still do better, and it’s getting much easier now that my energy is up and I don’t feel nauseous very often anymore to eat a bit better. Call it a work in progress. I’m finding that I pay the price (aka feel super nauseous) when I eat too MUCH of anything in particular in one sitting. Baby clearly has Matt’s tolerance for food, because I’ve never felt like this in my life….I’m normally more bottomless pit than human most days.

My challenge in the gym this week has been that I’m feeling nearly 100% back to my old self! Challenge, you ask? What challenge!? I guess my concern is that I’m trying to balance my intensity level in class, and not push myself too too hard (challenging, when the MO for most of these classes is to work as hard as you can!), and it’s hard to do when I’m feeling pretty much back to normal!! I caught myself in Step class on Thursday really running myself pretty ragged, and it kind of freaked me out. I need to get a bit better at monitoring this and pulling back before it gets to that point.

Matt and I are both starting to feel more and more excited with each week that goes by, but we’re trying to hold back from buying anything until we get a little bit further along (maybe even until we know the gender – coming up in another 5 weeks only?! WHAT?!). It still doesn’t feel completely real to me at all…. maybe it will once we know the gender and can start picturing things a bit more clearly (although – I would still bet every dollar I’ve got that it’s a boy ;-)).

One more week in the bag, and one more week closer to finding out for sure!! Have a great week!!

-Sara & Babe xo

 

12 Weeks

This week has been my favourite week of the pregnancy so far!! Slowly, very slowly, I’m starting to feel that perpetual fog of anxiety and fear begin to lift, and I’m starting to let myself get excited about all of this! Up until now, I’ve been careful to not get carried away with my thoughts and plans and daydreams….but this week I’m giving in more and more, and it feels so great!

I’ve been teaching my classes on my own this week, and feeling pretty good overall! I’m still low impact for a significant portion of the class in Attack / Step, but Pump and CX I’ve been almost back to normal. Unfortunately my CX days are numbered because I won’t be able to do most moves once I start to get bigger; but I’m okay with that for now!

My performance at work / in general hasn’t been great in terms of being on the ball and super sharp with details and deadlines like I normally am, but I’m slowly accepting that that’s okay, and I’m just doing my best to get through one day / one obstacle at a time. I’ve made the decision this week that anything that doesn’t serve me and my sweet baby, needs to get let go of. Immediately and without looking back, and without apology.

We had our ultrasound on Thursday afternoon and OMG it was so funny. I was a bit petrified going in (just like the first ultrasound) and just praying that everything would look normal and healthy and that things would be progressing well. I had the exact same ultra sound technician as the first time, and she could still be in the running for supreme court justice with a poker face like hers.

Once again, about 45 seconds in I caved and asked her if everything looked okay (yea, not so great with the “patience” thing). She said yes – that she could see a heart beat, and I was thrilled with that. But then, the appointment seemed to be taking a long time, she was asking me to move around and lie in different positions, and then she started kind of jiggling the ultrasound handle into my stomach as if she were trying to wake the baby up. I started to get really nervous again.

I told her that she was scaring me and asked if everything was okay, and she said right away that yes everything was fine, but the baby was in a bad position for her to get a measurement on the thickness of the skin on the back of his neck (what they need for IPS testing to test for chromosome abnormalities). The baby was in a head stand position….LOL!!!! I nearly died laughing when I heard that.

She asked me to empty my bladder part way and then do some jumping jacks in the bathroom. So that’s exactly what I did. I am happy to report that I did not pee my pants (or lack thereof actually – I was wearing a dress LOL) while doing said jumping jacks. I remember looking around the bathroom while I was jacking around in my pink dress just shaking my head……what, oh what had I come to…..

I went back into the ultra sound room and babe was a bit of a stubborn one it seems (he’s a Libra – I should have known! ;)), and was still firmly performing a perfect headstand. Maybe he’s a Crossfit baby?! Or a yogi?!

Pretty bummed – the ultrasound technician told me that unfortunately I would have to book again because she couldn’t get what she needed in this appointment slot. She went to get Matt from the waiting room so that at least he could see babe on the screen.

When Matt came in the room, the poor guy looked stressed. He had been waiting outside for half an hour and even he was getting worried that something was wrong. And that takes a LOT for Matt to start worrying like that 😦

He was relieved to see me in good spirits, and we explained the conundrum of our head standing baby. While she was showing Matt the screen, he said something and I started to laugh, and kind of made myself start to cough. She kind of jumped and said “do that again, do that again!”…..and when I did, little babe miraculously decided to do a bit of a barrel roll, and flipped into a better position!!! We just laughed and laughed, maybe babe knew that Daddy was in the room, and he better quit acting up?! Too funny….

We were able to get the measurements that she needed after all, went downstairs to do some more bloodwork, and then we were home, feeling SO, so relieved and confident and happy. Week 12 is just about over now, and the second trimester starts on Sunday! OMG – I can’t believe it….I am so glad to say goodbye to the first trimester, and to start the fun of the second trimester. I’ve been told that it is the best by far in terms of how I’ll be feeling, and it’s an important one for babe to grow and develop too.

As far as cravings this week…..shepard’s pie. My mom’s, and my mom’s only. Don’t ask me to explain, I can’t. I haven’t eaten this stuff in probably 5+ years, but I had to have it this week! Egg sandwiches (still)…..and I’ve just in general been really hungry this week, it feels like I can never get enough food (particularly carbs)….sigh…..I’m going to look 30 weeks in the next 2 weeks if I don’t get myself under control!!!!!

Our next midwife appointment is two weeks away (week 14), and I can’t imagine how much will grow and change between now and then! Babe is now the size of a lime, and starting on Sunday will measure the length of a pea pod! I can’t believe the change in size from week to week! The body is truly a miraculous thing.

Here’s hoping for continued good health and good vibes into week 13! The superstitious side of me will be glad to be on the other side of 13?! 🙂

-Sara & Babe xo

 

11 Weeks

Hi There!

11 Weeks! The days of single digits are long past, and the second trimester is on the horizon – and most importantly…..the grandparents are in the loop! Wahoo!

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It was a bit of a circus trying to get our parents in the same place at the same time, we finally managed to wrangle them all together (along with Matt’s brother Scott and his brother Troy’s friend Jay – LOL) on Sunday afternoon at a Tim Hortons in Wingham, ON after giving my parents a tour of the sugar bush. Too funny……..not quite what I had pictured for when and where we would tell our parents, but hey, Tim Hortons works I guess! 😉

We didn’t have anything elaborate planned, but I did have these cute little onesies to give our moms that say “That’s It, I’m Going to Grandmas!” and one to show our dads that says “I’m Told I Like Hockey”. I kind of ended up just pulling the onesies out of my purse and waving them around like a crazy person LOL – I think they got the message!

Our parents were as excited as I thought / hoped they would be – and we just laughed and laughed at how quickly plans started snowballing: car seats and rooms being re-done in the house…things started moving very quickly! 😉

Back at the sugar bush, we told the rest of Matt’s brothers and took a few pictures which turned out pretty well (I quite enjoy Neil holding a ham and cheese sandwich!) and then my parents had to hit the road right away to get back to Oakville. It was a bit surreal to have the news out in the world! My parents didn’t even make it a half hour down the road before the great-grandparents were called and the news started to spread and my phone started trilling away lol….:)

The rest of the week started out great with a trip down to the Air Canada Centre to watch our Toronto Maple Leafs beat up on the Boston Bruins (really, is there anything more satisfying then that?). This week I’ve noticed that I’ve started to feel a bit of an ever-present mild nausea. Nothing crazy that impacted my activities at all, but definitely enough to notice it. I think that now that I’ve finally started feeling 100% better, some more of those symptoms that I never noticed before have come to the forefront. No complaints here, I’ll take a bit of fatigue and nausea over that hell-ish flu bug any day of the week.

The other massive update this week was that I officially made my return to my classes and spilled the beans to my class participants. That was an even more enormous weight off my shoulders than telling our parents had been to be honest. It’s been really challenging being unexplainedly away from the gym for so long, and I’ve just hated not being able to be fully honest with people.

I was extremely cautious this week easing back into my classes, being really careful to stay about 90% low impact in Attack and Step, and taking most low options in CX. My participants were so super supportive about me taking it easy in class, and I was so grateful for them and the instructors that came to help me as I transitioned back in. Ultimately, everything felt good and I was SO, so relieved to not have any bleeding or scary things after class. I was really starting to feel like myself again by the end of the week. SO, so grateful.

No crazy (new) cravings this week, definitely still loving my egg sandwiches, and I have started thinking about Kraft Dinner this week (what?), but nothing crazy out of the ordinary at this point! We are REALLY looking forward to our next ultrasound coming up next week (it’s technically an IPS ultrasound – but we are more just excited to see babe again and make sure that he’s doing okay in there!). I wonder how much an ultrasound machine costs to have in your home….. 😉

Back next week with our ultrasound report and an update from the official end of the first trimester! Woohoo!

-Sara & Babe xo

 

 

10 Weeks

Double digits!! Wahoo!!

I’ll admit that I am writing this post towards the end of my 11th week actually; since I’ve been feeling better (THANK YOU UNIVERSE); I’ve found myself busy again and time is flying by!

The beginning my 10th week was a little bit rough, especially because we were doing some renovations around the house. I got very sick again over the weekend between 9 and 10 weeks, and was still dealing with being pretty sick for the first half of this week.

In the meantime, we had decided that it would be a great idea to replace all of the laminate flooring and kitchen tile in our main floor with hardwood floors, which meant that our entire world got turned upside down for four days while the work was done!

Oh hindsight. Why are you always so, so right.

As always, the renos got off to a challenging start because the installer wasn’t made aware that he actually had to remove our existing flooring, he thought that that had already been done, so it took him a while to get going. In the meantime, I hid away upstairs and alternated between 30 minute power naps, and 30 minutes working from home trying to keep my head afloat. The one silver lining to having the work done at home this week was that I had the chance to work from home, which was pretty awesome, because well, sweatpants are awesome.

Matt also got really sick early in the week (it was only a matter of time, I mean, the guys been living with me for the past 7 weeks LOL), so we were a bit of a sad, pathetic pair trying to feed ourselves and just survive through the renos!!

Another exciting happening from this week was that we had our first midwife appointment! I got to meet my primary midwife Suneet and her student assistant who was very lovely. I got a great feel from both of them, and even though they weren’t able to find the heartbeat using their Doppler machine, they reassured me that they had done 6 initial appointments at 10 weeks that day, and hadn’t heard any. It was just a little too early. I was SUPER relieved that we had had our ultrasound at 9 weeks 6 days and seen the heartbeat, or I know that I would have been flipping out completely.

I was a bit disappointed that they couldn’t do more at the appointment other than really taking down my medical history and asking me tons of questions. I don’t really know what I was hoping for, but it all just seemed like STILL, it was too early for anyone to really check anything or do anything. Time is flying, but standing still at the same time.

4 days later, and I was feeling much better AND our gorgeous, gorgeous floors were installed and we had our house back! Yay! I spent most of Thursday night setting things back up, cleaning and dusting everything I could get my hands on, and just thoroughly enjoying being able to sit downstairs in our living room again!

I noticed as I was trundling up and down the stairs over and over with armfuls of things to put away that my breathing wasn’t too bad, and that I really was starting to feel a lot more like myself. I made the decision that if I still felt like myself on Friday morning, that I would go to a BodyFLOW class later that evening.

I did! Woohoo!

Renate and Cara taught a beautiful Flow class and I felt good through the whole thing. A couple of times I had to consciously (and sternly) remind myself to choose hope and optimism over fear and pessimism. Even though I know that we are getting so close to being over the worst of the risky part, I can’t help it, I’m still terrified.

After Flow, I got to see a bunch of my friends all together who had come to the gym to do a mock GRIT class in the studio. I was super tempted to just spit it out and tell them then, but knew that it was still probably one week too early. I reluctantly kept my mouth shut.

That’s really hard for me – considering the size of my mouth!!!!

In terms of funny food cravings, my love for chicken wraps is still going strong, as is my love for egg sandwiches. Mmmmmmmmhm. The nausea overall seemed to subside for the most part this week, which was nice.

Overall – this week came in like a lion and out like a pleasant little lamb!! I’ve got my eye on the second trimester…only a few short weeks away!!

-Sara & Babe xo

9 Weeks

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Time is flying by, and crawling all at the same time! I’m writing this post at the very end of our 9th week, so technically week 10 starts tomorrow…..double digits…umm….what???

This week has been a huge one, and once again, a very challenging one in it’s own way. I managed to shake the horrible virus that had sunk its teeth into me for the past 2+ weeks, and had about 3 days of reprieve. I did a couple of workouts at home, even went in to the gym to do half of a BodyPump class (before I started to get anxious and called it just after the tricep track). All in all, although the fatigue and mild nausea was still there, I was starting to feel a bit more like a human; yay!

And then….I got sick again.

I think I was in denial at first because I just don’t understand how it happened. Not more than 3 days after feeling better, my throat started to ache, and I developed this wicked, rattly cough that I’ve never had before. It’s gotten progressively worse all week, and today (Saturday), I’ve been basically couch-bound all day again trying to keep it together. I finally cracked and took one Tylenol Extra-Strength for the pounding in my head and searing pain in my throat.

I’m trying to change my perspective and to be a bit more positive about the health challenges that I’ve faced so far in my pregnancy. We are so lucky to be pregnant. This is all that I’ve ever wanted; to be pregnant naturally, without medical intervention, and to carry a healthy, happy baby. And here I am! I’m trying really hard to fully embrace the lesson that this pregnancy isn’t about me. It’s nothing to do with me, or my body or frankly what I want to do right now at all. It’s about me carrying our sweet little babe to term and bringing them into this world.

SO….on the health front….it’s back to the couch, and the orange juice, and the steaming bowls of hot water….oh and Manuka honey has been a bit of a god-send for my throat too!

So aside from being sick, this week has been totally amazing because we had our ultrasound on Thursday……….and got to see our little babe’s  sweet heartbeat!!! I nearly had a heart attack leading up to the ultrasound; I was so terrified that they would tell me that they couldn’t find a heartbeat, or that little babe hadn’t grown properly or something like that, but as usual; the things I was worried about never came to fruition.

I went in to the ultrasound room alone at first, and my ultrasound technician had the stone face of a judge. I lasted all of about 45 seconds before I burst out asking what she could see and if everything looked okay. I was hoping that we could hear the heartbeat at this appointment, but she told me that this clinic isn’t equipped to listen to heartbeats like that, BUT, she could see the heartbeat clearly on the ultrasound. That was an enormous relief to me!!

She pressed around on my belly for several minutes, finally telling me that the heartbeat was well within the normal range at 156 beats per minute, and that she dated our pregnancy at 9 weeks 6 days (about 3 days further along then the dating I’ve been following). Matt finally got to come into the room and she turned the screen towards us both so that I could see, and right away we all burst out laughing because little babe’s legs were just kicking away like a maniac in there!!! We could clearly see the head and the little arms and legs, but of course no distinguishing features at this point.

It totally warmed my heart to lay eyes on babe, and to see how excited Matt was to see him too (still convinced that it’s a boy over here!). I just can’t wait until we get a bit further along and can see more details in there!

On the food front, I’m still liking the egg and cheese sandwiches; but that love has given way to a new one: chicken wraps. I’m talking ANY KIND of chicken in a wrap. Grilled chicken, fried chicken, breaded chicken, ground chicken, pulled chicken…….wrap that stuff up in a tortilla and I am one happy Sara these days. TOO funny. I had this Buffalo Chicken Wrap at Turtle Jacks this week at work, and haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, to the point that I begged my friends to go to Turtle Jacks for lunch this weekend so that I could get it again.

I’m going to work a little bit harder to get more vegetables and immune boosting foods into my diet; since I’ve been feeling so terrible, honestly these past several weeks it’s been more about getting any food that’s easy into me, and I haven’t had the energy or the will to make any elaborate / overly healthy  meals that both babe and I desperately need. I am going to try to do better this week; even if I’m not feeling well.

Matt’s mom and Scott arrive from Red Lake next weekend, and we are planning to somehow get our parents / as much family as possible together somewhere to tell them the news! By that point we will be just about 11 weeks in….so it’s about time! I cannot believe I’ve managed to keep this from them for so long….it’s been really  hard!!

We have our first midwife appointment on Monday of this week, so I’m also hoping to talk to her a bit about my overall health and see if she has any tips or tricks to help me try and get and stay healthy for sweet little babe. Things are moving!

Healthy thoughts over here for me and for babe!! Here’s hoping for an easier week!! 🙂

-Sara and Babe xo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8 Weeks

Hi Friends,

8 weeks + 6 days (9 weeks technically!); we are getting closer to the date that I’ve looked forward to so much for the past 9 weeks: our first ultrasound!

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This week, I finally got to go back to my family doctor who sent me for pre-natal bloodwork, and got me setup with the requisition for our first ultra sound. It’s coming up on Thursday March 9th, and I am so anxious and nervous about it. I think that once I hear babe’s little heartbeat, I will be so much more relaxed about things, and feel more able to participate in my life.

Which brings me to some of the struggles this week.

I’ve been having a hard time keeping my head in a good place this week. I am finally, finally feeling mostly better from my run-in with that terrible virus from the past 3 weeks, but my body is still feeling exhausted, sluggish, beat-down. I don’t recognize myself, physically, but also mentally. It isn’t me to come home and sit on the couch for 4 hours, nodding in and out of sleep before trudging up the stairs to bed. It isn’t me to drop the  ball at work, and in my online courses, and in my relationships, and at the gym.

I really, honestly feel like my only accomplishment some days is that I get up and make it through the day from start to finish in some form or other.

We are funny creatures aren’t we? All I wanted, so desperately, was to be pregnant (it’s still what I want)….but now that I am, and so grateful for that….you start to realize that nothing is ever quite enough. I do want to be pregnant; I want beautiful kids, and lots of them. I also want to be athletic and powerful and teach 6 classes per week. I also want to be talented and accomplished at  work. I also want deep relationships with my friends and family.

As it turns out: I want it all.

I’ve come to the conclusion that the “reason” for the first trimester being so difficult (you know, in addition to the fact that your body is literally manufacturing a tiny human inside of itself) is to start to ease first-time mamas like myself into their new altered universe. A universe where it isn’t all about us anymore; where we care about something else enough that it’s worth temporarily shelving our own hopes and dreams and priorities to be sure that that something else is okay.

SO, onto lighter topics: I’ve been pretty lucky as far as nausea goes! There’s been a little bit, and a bit of aversion to food, but for the most part, it’s not been too bad! I’ve been super into egg and cheese sandwiches this week (seriously, like one a day at least), and everything cold, the colder the better! I went through a brief tomato with olive oil and a little bit of salt phase…but I think that’s on the way out now. I find the cravings too funny! Babe doesn’t seem to be a big eater, because as soon as I eat too much, I start feeling super sick and nauseous. I will need to have a chat with him about that, because mama likes to eat.

I’m almost sure somehow that babe is a boy. That’s based on nothing except my gut intuition; but I would put some good money on it! Time will reveal all! We plan to find out as soon as we possibly can (we’re in for enough surprises along the way me-thinks); so we’ll see if I’m right!

This week coming up is a big one for us: our ultrasound on Thursday, and I’m hoping to start back at the gym in some capacity, if only to teach BodyPump for now. Things will be so much easier to explain once I can be open about what’s going on with me. It’s been so hard to keep things from people. I just hate it.

Well – here’s hoping that we’ll have some amazing ultrasound updates to share in Week 9!

-Sara & Babe xo

 

 

 

7 Weeks

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Oh this week….it’s been such a challenging week for me and sweet little babe….definitely the most challenging week so far.

We got back from Vegas last Tuesday, and pretty much right away I came down with my second nasty cold of my pregnancy. I got sick almost immediately after finding out we were pregnant, and it’s totally sucked because it’s hard to be excited about everything when I’m feeling so totally awful!

This cold-turned-sinus-infection was much worse than the first go-round. I can’t remember ever being so sick in my life, I was literally incapacitated for at least 5 days. Matt was a god-send, taking care of me, bringing me soup from all over hell and half acre, even going on a drug strike himself and refusing to take any drugs for his own cold as a sign of solidarity (LOL).

I managed to pull it together enough to go with Matt to the Leafs game last Saturday that he had given me tickets to for my birthday. I had had an awful day, and had barely moved from the couch all day, but I knew that he had spent so much money on the tickets, and he was so cautiously hopeful that we would still go that I knew I just had to pull it together.

I felt a bit better at the game, it was nice to be out and to be distracted from how awful I felt for a while. I had a bit of a scary sinus episode in the car when I was trying to clear the pressure in my ears and the whole world started spinning. I kind of went downhill fast after that and felt truly awful until I went to sleep.

Tuesday was the scariest day of my pregnancy to date. I started to fill a little bit better, went to work, and made the decision that I was going to teach my CXWORX and BodyAttack class that night on my own. In hindsight, it was such a stupid decision. Even if I wasn’t pregnant, I still wasn’t feeling well at all, and definitely wasn’t up for the full-on effort of a double like that.

Throughout the entire class, I just felt like something was off. The class wasn’t agreeing with my body, I could just feel it as soon as we started to jump and run. I made it through the class and then went to the washroom right away to check for bleeding. Sure enough, there were a few tiny drops of blood.

I was petrified. I  thought for sure that I had done damage to my little babe, and to be honest, until I hear the heartbeat, I won’t be convinced that I didn’t that day. I drove home in a daze, my heart pounding in my chest.I made a deal with the higher powers in that car ride that if they would just give me a free pass on this one that I would never blow it like this again, I wouldn’t push myself, I would take better care of myself, I wouldn’t let them down.

I called Tele-Health as soon as I got home, and after asking me 100 questions, the nurse on the phone assured me that it didn’t sound like I had done damage, to take it easy and not stress out. After a very stressful night, I woke up to no more bleeding, and there hasn’t been any since those tiny drops that night.

Because of this, combined with advice from my doctor and my totally faltering immune system, I’ve made the decision to take a few weeks off from teaching until I get past the first trimester and get some reassurance that babe is growing well and is totally healthy and secure. It will also help when I can tell people at the gym so that I can explain that I need to take it a little easier than normal.

This is so hard for me; I’m feeling so low in terms of self-esteem on all fronts. I feel like I’m dropping balls in all areas of my life right now, including being pregnant, which is the hardest one of all. I really thought that I would be “good” at being pregnant, that it would be natural for me, that I wouldn’t miss a beat and would just sail through the first trimester. But it’s hard. It’s really been so hard so far.

All that being said – I wouldn’t give any of this up, I am so grateful to be pregnant, so grateful that Matt and I were able to get here naturally and on our own, and cautiously so hopeful and optimistic that our sweet little babe is growing as they should be.

We meet with our midwife for the first time on Tuesday – and I just can’t wait to find out when I can get my first ultrasound to hear babe’s heartbeat!! If all goes well, that will be such a moment of intense relief and happiness for me / us.

Fingers crossed for us….!!